I'm a Fraternity Girlfriend.

Before I start, I told my boyfriend I would make this statement: I am writing purely based on my observations/experiences. I'm not an expert on Greek Life, at all. But because of this experience, I can name some of the lesser known Greek letters for you, if you like...(tau, omricon, lambada...you get the point.) 

In the fall of 2011, I found myself without my best friend. She was studying elsewhere for the semester, but we talked as much as her busy schedule would allow. When I found out the guy she liked was rushing a fraternity, I struggled with how I should approach her with this news. Another friend and I discussed it, and we decided it was something that she should know. The conversation went like this: "He's rushing a frat...I mean....I don't know, I'm concerned. Is that *really* the type of guy you want to be with....?" I continued to tell her things that I had heard he was doing during his rush process. Things that kind of make you raise one eyebrow skeptically. I was saying things in protection of my friend, not knowing and completely disregarding the experience our guy friend was going through.

Fast forward 10 months. I met a guy at a picnic before rehearsals for our community theatre show started. He told us he was going to miss the first week of rehearsals because he was going to a convention in Florida. He friend requested me, so I followed his status updates. In one of his updates he mentioned something about the National President. I commented "what kind of a convention IS this??" He told me a name and that I should look up the website. I did so, and to my surprise, it was a fraternity convention. The words of warning I had spoken to my friend came flooding back.Oh my gosh...he's in a frat...wait....it's music. So it can't be *that* bad, right? Oh no, what if he parties a lot? We all know what happens at frat parties...girls, keg-stands, and lots of throwing up. I can't. I just can't. 

The idea of dating someone in a "frat" scared me. It was unknown territory that I had only seen represented in pop culture. 

My opinions were formed based only on what I had seen on commercials for that ABC Family show "Greek." The stigma of "Frat Bros" had been a favorite joke topic during college since my private school didn't have any type of Greek life. Stories of hazing rituals gone wrong always made the news. Popped collars, snapbacks, red solo cups, and excessive usage of the word "brah" was NOT something I wanted to involve myself in. So to say I was apprehensive about this guy being in a frat is a little bit of an understatement. But I decided to give it a shot. 

We discussed it early on, and he was quick to assure me that his fraternity was not a stereotypical "frat." In fact, he corrected me when I referred to it as such. I quickly remedied that situation and vowed to myself that I would never refer to a Greek society as a "frat" again, no matter what. He told me  this particular social fraternity had a "strong emphasis in music." He informed me that their Object includes "the advancement of music in America." He also made sure that I knew up-front that he wouldn't be able to discuss certain aspects of the fraternity with me because there was a certain level of secrecy. Awesome I thought. He isn't *allowed* to tell me things?  I struggled with that at first, but it wasn't until later in our relationship that I realized that the nature of this was deeper than just keeping secrets. It was a core way to maintain the bonds of brotherhood, and it was fairly common for many Greek fraternities. There was literally nothing in the world I could do about that except respect it. 

The first time I met his fraternity brothers was a turning point in my view of the fraternity experience.  It was the first Saturday of September and I had met a few of the brothers at the football staduim that afternoon. That evening, in a very packed and hot apartment, I met even more brothers, but mostly, I kept quiet, just needing to observe. We stepped outside at one point, and he asked what I had thought so far. "It's loud. And I don't remember many names." He assured me that there would be more chances for me to remember names.

A month later, I found myself at their homecoming tailgate. I met a girl who was dating a fraternity brother and was an alumnae of the sister fraternity. She filled me in on everything going on, and I met alums, each of whom gave me a run-down on the type of guy my boyfriend was. I was questioned by them all, and at the end of the afternoon, a former brother told us how glad he was to see my boyfriend this happy; He actually tells me this every time we see each other. They had pledged together a number of years before and the bond they had formed was still strong, and will be unbreakable for the rest of their lives. 

Shortly before that meeting, I had read an article* that helped put things into perspective for me. In this, the author, PJ Mintner talks about his time in a fraternity. He says this: "... when fraternity is done correctly, it builds life long friendship, and in my chapter's case, a bond and commitment that extends past our time as collegians and our time on earth."

I've had the extreme privlege of spending some time with the brothers. I spent Valentine's day with them, and they treated me as a friend. (I'm fairly certian it was because they like me, not just because I brought them powder doughnuts to snack on...) They are all so unique...they come from diverse backgrounds, have different majors and interests, and each of them has a personality that only they can claim. They relentlessly teased me, and upon hearing this, my boyfriend (who was not present that day), assured me that the teasing meant they loved me. Not once did I feel intimidated, disrespected, or mistreated. Because that's not who these men are. Someone wise once told me: "true fraternity men are not "frat boys" or "bros." They think of others before themselves, and understand that they are representing not only themselves, but also their chapter, their national fraternity, and their university in everything they do."

These men encourage each other, grow together, sing together, and support each other. I am incredibly blessed to have been able to observe these guys in different settings and see what an example of leadership and brotherhood they are to each other. In fact, they have inspired me to be a better woman. My life has been truly enriched by this experience, and I love with every single one of these men. I love what they do, and I love who they are as individuals, members of their fraternity, and brothers to each other. 

And that, my friends, is what it's about. 

*****

*If you're still sitting there, highly skeptical, I strongly recommend you read the article I referenced: Sincerity of Purpose. As I said, it put the fraternity experience into perspective for me and really hit home when my boyfriend's fraternity lost a fellow brother (from a different chapter), this February. 

And if the Object, "Furthering the advancement of music in America," sounds like something you'd be interested in, let me know! I'll direct you to the website for this fraternity and the sister fraternity for the ladies. (Part of their Mission is "to encourage, nurture, and support the art of music.") 

Speaking of Ladies, I want to give a special shout-out to all of the women I've met who are sisters and friends to my boyfriend. You girls have been so nice and welcoming to me this year, and I could not be more grateful! You all are wonderful, inspiring, beautiful, and I love you!!