Thursday Thoughts: Sex and Best Friends.

This post has been sitting in my drafts for a few weeks. I wasn't sure If I wanted to post it, but after an interesting turn of events, I've decided it would be unhealthy to let it sit for any longer. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject down in the comments, but please keep things positive! -s.

Brief background: I grew up in a Christian home, but my parents weren't very "strict" or anything like that. They had three  older daughters, so by the time they acquired me, they knew what they were doing. I think the biggest thing they were really careful about was television/music. I remember when I finally got my N*SYNC CD. I was so happy, I could have cried. As with any child, the rules were adjusted as I grew up.
In seventh grade, I met one of my best friends. We'll call her R. We did everything together through middle school and high school. We formed a friend group with three other girls, and we were basically inseparable. Sleepovers, two proms, lots of fights, and even more boys.
When I got to Christian college I met extremely sheltered kids and I realized I was much more worldly than some others.While I was there, I made lots of friends. The friends I made my first year as a theatre major include some girls I still consider to be my best friends. And we've covered so many topics about sexuality: what it looks like as a Christian woman, what it looks like within marriage, hooking up, slut-shaming, virgin-shaming...the list goes on and on.

Out of the four girls I was close friends with in high school, I've only ever talked with one of them about sex. And that was after we had been in college for a year. 

I was reflecting on this the other day and it floored me. I call R one of my best friends, yet I don't feel like I can talk to her about this topic. Now that we are in our twenties and we both have serious boyfriends, you would think the conversation would have happened by now...but it hasn't. The opportunity hasn't even arisen. Could I have brought it up out of the blue? Sure, but it would have felt awkward.

I feel as if I have dropped some of the responsibility of being a true friend. 

Friends are supposed to tell each other things, and go to each other with questions, or conversation-starting topics. "Best Friends" are supposed to tell each other everything,* including if there's any "gettin' busy" of any kind currently or in the future. 

*(All of this should be discussed with a respect to the significant other, of course). 

I don't know why I haven't talked to my friend about this. We've known each other for twelve years, and I've barely made a "that's what she said" joke around her. 

My question for you is this: Why is it so easy to talk about the deep topics with friends from college, or friends we consider "older"? Do you find subjects such as hooking-up or sex easy or hard to talk about with friends you didn't meet on a college campus? Why or why not? 

I don't have the answers, and I'm sure that there isn't a right or wrong answer. Sex is a part of life, and eventually you or one of your friends is going to be getting married...why wait until then to have "the talk" with them?
 Here's some motivation for all of us: just do it. 

Shine Bright

-s. 

Words of Wisdom Wednesday.

Happy Wednesday! Today, I have a guest post! The rebel who wrote this is still in search of a life. I encourage you to think about your own life while reading this. Who have you become? Where do you place your value and self-worth? -s. 

…we are pathetic.

2013’s 7th graders have wedding Pinterest boards. Depression and self-diagnosis has become mainstream. We have the ability to access any piece of information with a swipe of our finger across an oily LCD phone screen but we can’t retain any of that information. We rely on the advancement of technology instead of trying to remember anything. We buy things we don’t need. We criticise others for not wearing famous brands. We have become the number of Twitter followers we have. We are our Tumblrs. We are our biased, uninformed sociopolitical opinions that we are fed from one biased, nonfactual source. We ‘care’ about causes the minute we hear from them. We know the food we eat is genetically modified and terrible for our system. We know the soda we drink is packed with so much sugar yet we rely on it for ‘nutrition’. We care too little about the things we should care too much about and we care too much about the things that shouldn't matter. We become enraged at the simplest things like our “pick” not winning an Oscar or an Emmy. We keep unheard artists to ourselves so we can have the satisfaction of ‘knowing’ we were first to hear it. We can’t agree on the most absurdly simplest things. Some of us justify the abuse and hatred of others. We have become our filtered pictures of food because, somehow, we miss the “old days” of terrible, relentless photography. We have become our hatred of all that is mainstream. We have become the blame we toss around. The things we own have ended up owning us. 

You are not your tumblr. You are not your cup of Starbucks. You are not your North Face and UGGS. You are not your religion. You are not your wallet. You are not your taste in music. You are not cable package. You are not 140 characters. You are not your political party. You are not your haircut. You are not your sexual orientation. You are not your iPhone.

We used to be people. We used to speak, not type.

We used to live. 

                                             - No one. 

Original Post: We Are Pathetic

An Open Letter to the Ladies: Regarding March Madness

Happy Monday! This is post 1 of 2 today. This is not the sequel to yesterday's post, but I promise I will get to that later. This is just something I wanted to write. An open letter to any ladies who feel that March Madness is just...Madness. Grab some coffee/tea/hot chocolate, and settle in. And please remember, that these are just suggestions. 

Dear Ladies, 

Hi! I hope you all are enjoying (or viciously hating) your snowy day. I know I'm loving mine. My morning probably mirrors your own: Had some cereal, I checked my email and laughed at a spam message, said good morning to my boyfriend, checked Twitter, scrolled Facebook, bragged about my college's men's and women's soccer teams, turned on SportsCenter and checked my NCAA Tourney Bracket....wait...you didn't do those last three things?

Oh...well, It's March, the month of Madness. The month of brackets, Tournament Challenge and office pools. The month were men go crazy because it's that awkward middle time between the Superbowl and Opening Day. The selection of sports in this downtime is limited. Hockey, NASCAR (ha!), NBA, random golf classics, and College Basketball. It's like the downtime some women are suffering right now between "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette." Our choices are American Idol, which is terrible this year, and The Voice which we only watch for Adam Levine (come on, you know it's true.) 

As someone who has always loved sports, but also enjoys reality dating shows, I'm here for you. I'm here to provide support, answer questions, and give some practical advice on how to survive. 
Here are a few tips: 
Ask questions. If you have no idea why Florida Gulf Coast has ruined so many brackets this tournament (don't ask me, I don't want to talk about it), ask. Your boyfriend will have an earful to say about that. Trust me. Ask why Duke has made it this far in the tournament when several people didn't have them making it out of the second round. You can take these questions and use them verbatim...I don't mind. 
Fake an interest. Faking isn't always bad. But faking an interest in March Madness is not for the faint of heart. If you really hate basketball to the point of wanting to jump off a cliff, don't try this. But if you can tolerate it, I suggest you pick a team (Florida Gulf Coast and Louisville are good options), and throw whatever sliver of energy you have into supporting that team. It is also fun to cheer for whatever team is playing against the team your boyfriend is supporting. Pay close attention to the commentators, listen for a last name, and then just cheer that player on to victory! Remember the saying: "Fake your way to the top, and it'll feel real coming back down."
Give it the old college try. If you're indifferent, but open to watching a game, give it a shot. Try it by yourself first. There are four games on Thursday, and four games on Friday. If you find it interesting, tell your guy you're ready for the next step: watching a game with him. If you decide to do that, refer to my last two tips. Additionally, watching a few minutes of SportsCenter (on ESPN) never hurt anyone. You might be surprised at what you learn. Also, some of the players and young coaches in this tournament are kind of cute. So, that can always be your motivation. But we can keep that between us. 

There is also the option of just cuddling up with a book or browsing Pinterest while he watches the game. Smile and nod a lot when he says "yes!!" (That counts as trying AND faking an interest!) 

And if you hate sports with a fiery passion, disregard this. This is just the opinion/advice of a girl who has spent over 24 hours watching basketball in the last four days. So, what do I know, right? 
Anyway, I hope you all survive with whatever method you think is best! Have a lovely day!

Shine Bright, 
-s.

PS: don't let the title "March Madness" deceive you...it's not over until April 8th. 

Today: A preview

Today is going to be an interesting day.

Mostly because I have no idea when I'll actually be leaving the house, and because I have no idea what I'm going to wear. (#girlproblems).  I'm currently sitting here in tights and a soccer sweatshirt, staring at my three outfit options that are all laid out and ready to be tried on, each multiple times.

Tonight is my good friend Joe's Junior Voice Recital. (Click the link to watch it live at 8pm! You won't regret it!) I first conversed with Joe in the summer of 2010 on a message board about our college's theatre department. We found out soon that we were going to be good friends. When I actually met him, we hugged, and I knew it was friendship.
Through Joe, I became good friends with some other guys. All of whom I will see tonight at the recital. My heart is pounding in anticipation, but also part of me is trying to be reserved about the whole thing. Yes, some of these guys I haven't seen since 2011 or 2012 (they all travel a lot...), but I have to keep it real.
Tonight, I'm re-entering the "Bubble." But this time, I'm bringing a huge part of my life with me: my boyfriend. I don't know how to handle this...in a good way and in a bad way.
Seeing people today that I haven't seen in literal months is going to be wonderful for me, but it also has the potential to be bewildering for him. I'm also trying that whole "put yourself in their shoes" thing and remembering the time he first introduced me to all of his friends. I was overwhelmed, to say the very least.
I am excited to share with him the place I called home for 4.5 years. It's kind of a big deal. If I'm being honest, at the beginning of my freshman year of college, I expected to return to school with a guy that I had met there and fell in love with there. Turns out God was like "Just kidding. Here, try [this place] instead." It's going to be so fun to show him the building in which my life was changed forever. The stage where I left so much of myself, night after night. The theatre where I shed happy, stressed out, and emotional tears. To be able to show him a part of my life that he didn't witness will be extremely emotional, but at the same time, it's extremely necessary.

I'm of the belief that each person in a relationship should hold on to their own experiences, hopes/dreams, and passions. These things shouldn't fade away when you meet your significant other. Sure, plans change, but it doesn't mean you have to give up on achieving your goals. If you're in a relationship, and your boyfriend or girlfriend is into something completely different than you, support them. Don't push against their dreams, lift them up, and figure out how you can help each other reach these destinations. In the same vein, the positive influences who have helped shape you into the young adult that you are should not be forgotten. They don't have to become your boyfriend or girlfriend's best friend. But I truly believe that at some point, worlds should collide.

Tonight is going to be so much fun, very emotional (I will be crying a lot), and I'm assuming very eye-opening. I can't wait for my heart to be filled with so much joy that I'll feel like bursting.

I'll keep you posted.
Shine Bright!
-s.

Wednesday Funday! -A list!

Happy Wednesday!
I wanted to do something different, and give you guys another glimpse into my life. Last year I wrote a short post called "Things You're Automatically Good At When You Have A Boyfriend." Because, apparently there's some magical thing that happens when you start dating a guy that enhances your awesomeness and abilities. Well, I have a boyfriend, and that magical knowing thing is a load of hooey.

Here is a list of things I'm still not very good at, and/or I'm working on learning

1. How to cut guys hair. This one time, when I didn't have a boyfriend, my friend Matt needed his hair cut. It was at the beginning of the semester, and he had been at school/touring with his singing group all summer. He needed a trim. So I volunteered. I had never done it before, but, come on...how hard can it be, right? Yeah, it was a mess. The lines were crooked, and I cut one side too short. Thank GOD Ashley was there to fix my mistake. We didn't tell Matt until it was all over. We all had a good laugh over it. Our friend Michael asked me to give him a trim later that semester, and that time was better, but still not perfect. I'm working on it.

2. How to tie a tie. Seriously, I'm the worst. I went through this phase of being obsessed with "Gossip Girl" (didn't we all?) and Serena van der Woodsen would  wear a tie with basically everything. I needed to do that. So I acquired a crest-laden skinny tie (my grandfather's), and I tied it...into a knot. Not a Windsor, or a half-Windsor, but a legit knot. I Googled it, tied it again, and then decided I wasn't brave enough to actually wear the outfit. Now, my boyfriend is self-sufficient, and has been and currently is a member of different groups that require ties, so he's golden. But, darn it, I'm gonna learn! I will [someday] master the Eldredge Knot!

3. Understanding Why Grilling is OK in February. Seriously, in my house, when our grill goes away in September, it stays covered until May. Grilling is for warmtimes: springtime and summertime. You just sit on the deck, drinking tea, and smelling the charcoal. You don't run out in the middle of winter to fire up the grill! But, apparently, you do. Those were the best Valentine's Day steaks ever, and I'm sorry I ever doubted the genius of year-round grilling.

Bonus: Something I'm kind of good at:
-Knowing things about sports. I've always liked sports! I played soccer for seven years, I've always bled Penn State Blue and White (it's a family thing), and I attended a college with a very successful athletics program. College Basketball had kind of always been my thing. I'm a Duke fan, and if you know anything about that, you'll be shocked to hear that my boyfriend is a UNC fan. It's been a rough season... for one of us. When I first met him, I soon found out that he was going to school for my literal dream job: A sportscaster/commentator. I would have said "yes" right then and there if he had asked me.  BUT, that's mushy-gushy stuff for another time.
I rarely ask questions during games. Not because of the "Thou Shalt Not Interrupt A Man While He Is Watching Sports" rule, but because I know what's going on about 80% of the time. (The other 20% is stats/NFL).  And I know what's going on because I want to know and because my daddy taught me well; Not because I feel the need to impress my boyfriend. He has told me multiple times that he wouldn't care if I didn't know anything about sports. It's just an added bonus that I can keep up with him and I'm willing to sit for a few hours and cheer on whatever team we're watching. Unless it's UNC. I will NOT cheer for UNC.

So, I want to know, what are some things you had to learn when you started dating?

Shine Bright!
-s.

I Won't Wear White

Happy Wednesday! Today, I'm browsing Pinterest, as usual, and checking out the Wedding category. One of my dream jobs is wedding planning, and I adore looking at dresses, flowers, decor, etc...I love reading Martha Stewart Weddings for fun (my sister collects them), and I have the Martha Stewart Ultimate Wedding Planner. I feel like people judge me for liking Martha Stewart, (for obvious reasons), but also because her ideas are extremely classy. Sorry that I'm not sorry for wanting an expensive-feeling wedding.
Anyway. 
My sister had her wedding at our home, in the machine shed behind our house. It was the coolest. For the reception, there was a large white tent in the front yard, laden with lights, ferns, and the entry way was flanked by two kiddie pools with floating candles. My next to oldest sister, Heather, made all of the bridesmaid dresses and was basically one of the chief designers of the whole affair. The wedding dress was gorgeous and flowy, and white, of course!
White dresses came en vogue around 1840. Queen Victoria wore white, and brides decided to start wearing white because the Queen wore white. Like when Kate Middleton wore a Peplum dress last year, and then all of us, her loyal admirers/subjects, decided to adopt it, just as the women did in the 1840s with the Queen's wedding dress.

Wedding dresses have changed and been adapted to fit the times, but the one thing that remains consistent is the color white. I've been to a few weddings, and every single bride has worn white. With the exception of one dress, that had a hot pink bow. Why? Because the bride had sex before she was married. We knew this because she was pregnant at the time of her wedding, not just because of the ribbon. Apparently, a different colored ribbon is the modern day equivalent to the Scarlet Letter. 

News Flash: White dresses were not originally intended to symbolize purity.

In fact, blue was the original symbol of purity and virginity, and it was linked to the Virgin Mary. Makes sense right? So how did white sneak its way into there as the "official" symbol of purity? I can't find any concrete evidence. In Christian circles there's a book called "And The Bride Wore White," which I own, but have never read, and today I found a brain-melting blog post about Christian, non-virgin girls not being "worthy" of a white wedding dress. (Lord forgive them.) I couldn't look for any further research because I didn't want to sin.
My theory is this: There is a passage in the Bible, and loosely translated it says this: "Christ makes your sins white [pure] as snow when you repent." To me this seems... counter-intuitive. Because, and this is a general opinion, if you have been sexually active before marriage, but if you've sought forgiveness....then white should be okay, right? Wrong? Indifferent? Like I said, brain-melting.

My point here is this: Wear whatever color you want at your wedding. If you want it to be white, go ahead! Blue for the super-traditional view of purity, do it! Short, long, lace, strapless, orange, purple, scarlet, or yellow, it's your dress, and it's a day of celebrating two families becoming one. And if you think someone is going to be silly enough to raise a stink about the color of your gown, pull them aside after you've chosen it and tell them of your decision. Be sure to include the history. But remember that you can't make everyone happy. Don't hate, celebrate! Use your wedding day tears for happiness, not frustration.

As for me? I guess you'll have to wait and find out!
Shine Bright!
-s.

I need responses.

Happy Monday! I hope you all are recovering from your weekends.

I wanted to talk about something not-so-controversial, but pretty personal. Over the last year, I've really started to enjoy reading blogs. I forget who originally posted the link to the Good Women Project website, but I read an article entitled "Dear Sister: An Apology From an Adulterer at Heart"  and I was hooked. There were people on the internet, who existed outside of Facebook and Twitter, and had real opinions on raw life subjects. Subjects that made me uncomfortable: rape, pornography, being a Jesus-loving woman but ALSO a sexual being. Topics that I've never really talked about with my friends. It blew my mind that people had websites devoted to delving into difficult subjects. I checked Good Women Project on the daily, and soon became infatuated with the founder, Lauren Dubinsky. Here is this beautiful woman, who didn't have a perfect squeaky-clean life, telling other women that IT'S OKAY to make mistakes, make your own decisions, and voice your opinions (no matter what side of the issues you are on.) 

I posted link after link, sharing them on Facebook, Twitter, and with my friends. Liesl, Ashley and I swapped articles from the site and would talk about them. But I didn't necessarily know how to talk about these things with some of my friends from high school, or older, adult women. I'm the type of person who doesn't like to form opinions about these things. It's not as easy as chocolate or vanilla, Duke or UNC, grad school or working at a theatre. It's more of "what's the right form of feminism or should I let the men run everything, rape culture or victim blaming, slut shaming or virgin shaming, labels within Christianity or actively being/doing what Christ calls us to be/do." Heavy things that I should probably have thought about during college when I had the chance to have these conversations with people wiser than I. 

So lately, I've been opening up my Facebook statuses for these conversations. I LOVE reading people's responses/opinions, and I give every comment a "like" which doesn't necessarily mean I agree with them, it's more of an acknowledgement and an appreciation for their well thought out response. There was this time a few weeks ago that I was personally attacked for voicing my opinion on a status. The attack came from a holier than thou woman who doesn't know me or my character AT ALL. Being attacked like that does something to your psyche. But it's a whole different ball game when you feel personally attacked while reading comments on other blogs or Tweets that might not line up with yours. It's a weird feeling...physically, it's like someone is sitting on your chest telling you that you're wrong, and you need to change your opinion lest ye be hanged. I don't know, it's strange. 

I digress, I've been craving responses to these topics because I'm still learning. I had a terrible youth group experience (more on that on some other day), and my family left our church when I was a sophomore in college. I didn't get the deep "Christians and dating" lessons that a lot of people did. Of course my parents told me what kind of person they wanted me to strive to date. I certainly have no clue or opinions about the "wives submit to your husbands" passage in the Bible, because it's not something I've ever experienced.

The reason I ask questions  is because I want to be informed. I'm not ok with just concrete answers. It's part of my personality, I guess. I care about others' opinions as long as people don't start pointing fingers and name calling all over my status.  And I love reading blogs. And I would encourage you all to start reading blogs. The Good Women Project is a great place to start, and I'll list some others after the jump. 

I would also prompt you to start asking questions and voicing your opinion. So many of us are scared of being judged or taunted, but there are whole communities online that encourage these types of conversations. You'll be surprised at what you learn! 

shine bright!

-s. 

Friday Funday: Just a dream.

*Before I start, I should make clear that I do not go to bars. I will also not reveal the name of  the person in my dream. For safety's sake.*

This morning I woke up and I couldn't believe it. SHE (we'll call her LM) was in my dream. It was bad enough that every time I saw her on television I felt inadequate. The boys love her. I have never seen a car-full of boys have bigger smiles except for the time they thought they were delivering a valentine to her. (They weren't. They were sad, I was thankful.) She's basically everything. Top athlete (like..TOP), tall, leggy, brunette hair that she wears long and straight, or effortlessly puts into a bun while she plays her sport. It was enough that I felt intimidated by her in real life. Then, she showed up in my subconscious.
The funny thing about dreaming is, as learned in "Inception," you always are planted in the middle of the dream. I have no idea what the beginning was. I was out with my family. We were going to a bar to hear a band play. And there was LM, At the door, checking IDs. I smiled, and let my siblings go first. I didn't say anything. I didn't want to make a fool out of myself. She looked down at me, (literally, she's 5' 11" and I'm 5' 3"), and raised her perfectly shaped eyebrow. I handed her my card and she nodded, then smirked. We went to cross the street, and I thought to myself I can't have LM thinking I'm a drunk. Because I'm not, and as soon as the words were circulating through my brain, I stumbled on something in the street. That's when it happened. I heard her laugh at me. I didn't have to look back to know. She was laughing AT me. I was mortified and wanted to yell. But I stood up straight and tall, and entered the bar. Then, the dream changed from there.

The funny thing is, based on what I know about her, that behavior is not her norm. She's apparently very nice. But why is it that even my subconscious is intimidated by her? This sounds like a job for a therapist, not you guys. I just wanted to share the fact that this woman invaded my dream space.

Morals of the story:
No more Doritos before bed.
No more stressing out over popular, beautiful, female athletes. I am me, she is she. And I hear she's super cool. I bet we could be friends in real life...

Support and Respect

Happy Tuesday! Hope my East Coast friends are getting ready for this snowstorm that's headed that way. So, I decided that this week I would blog about theatre. It's one of my passions, and even though I'm still learning about it, I have already formed some strong opinions about a few things. This was not intended to be my first topic, but I think it is important to talk about.

I always seem to notice encouragement, respect and support, and the lack thereof, that people "in the business" exude towards different projects. For example, "Rodgers + Hammerstein's Cinderella" just opened on Broadway this week. It grossed over a million dollars while it was still in previews. For those of you who aren't really familiar with theatre, that is a BIG deal. The Midnight Reviews poured in and everyone adored it. Laura Osnes as Cinderella has been praised, and rightfully so. (I'm basing that on her previous performances and Tony nomination. I haven't seen "Cinderella"  yet.) They praised the new social-justice commentary that so many of my generation advocate for. I haven't seen any unsupportive Tweets about Laura Osnes, her Prince Topher, Santino Fontano, or the show as a whole. When Tina Fey talked about the possibility of a "Mean Girls" musical, the internet exploded! The one liners coming from everyone about this project were insanely hilarious. I can't think of a single person who would scoff at that and say "A 'Mean Girls' musical is a terrible idea. Tina Fey should quit while she's ahead." People involved in theatre, and people who aren't involved in theatre seem to be really excited and supportive of these two projects, which is great!
Then there are people on the complete opposite side of the spectrum. I hesitate to call them elitists, because I'm sure all theatre people have fallen into that category at some point. But the way they word their opinions about shows and actors makes me question their credibility, motives, and integrity. And far be it from me to play God in that way, but as someone who wants to be in theatre, it makes me upset and nervous.
Today, however, I was fed up with the attitudes "in this town." (I say that in quotes because I don't actually live in NYC, it's just a good phrase to use in this situation.) Broadway Buzz posted on their Facebook page that the new Spice Girls musical, "Viva Forever"  has been re-imagined and will be coming to Broadway very soon. This is what happened next:

Well, then. I don't know if I was being overly sensitive, but I felt sad for anyone who worked hard on the show and might see these comments. I don't know what the probability of that is, but it's the principle of the matter. I know what it's like to pour blood sweat and tears into a show. I've been the victim of people saying "I hear that show is stupid. I don't know where I heard it from, I just heard it," without asking me what the concept was. (I mean, come ON we had six wheelbarrows full of dirt, and you had the nerve to tell me it sounded stupid??) 

Shows take work.They don't just crop up and land in a vacant theatre. Sometimes there are hundreds of people involved. From the beginning, there are composers/authors, financiers, and casting directors, all of whom have some investment in the show; Even if they don't like the concept of the show, they are still needed to get it off the ground. After the initial stages of a production, the directors, actors, and designers spend hours upon hours working to nail their areas of the production. 

Sometimes, it becomes their child. And no one likes it when their child is bullied or disrespected. 

Shouldn't we, as patrons of the arts, actors, designers, etc..., be glad when new job/entertainment opportunities come up, instead of berate the type of show it is? 

Obviously, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I'm guilty of rolling my eyes at certain concepts. But think about it this way: even if you think a show will be awful or fail, shouldn't you support your fellow theatre artists who have worked hard?  Don't close it before it opens. Obviously, no one wants a bad or under-developed show, but every producer, director, actor, musician, and custodian deserves some level of recognition. Am I wrong in thinking that? Am I that naive about this business? Is it too much to ask for some respect all across the board, and not just for the people who have become rich because of their talents?

It's my hope that someday, we can all appreciate the fact that theatre exists. No matter what pop-group a show is based on, no matter how many vampire-human-lovers are in it, and no matter which British award-winning songwriter penned it. Let's be thankful for theatre, and continue to support everyone in it.