Welcome Back! [Welcome to My Life in Lancaster!]

Welcome back everyone! I've reinstated my blog now that I have found a full time job. Today I'm writing about transitions, and My Life in Lancaster. (That sounds like a great book title...) This one is a little long, but I have months of life to catch you up on, with a good resolution at the end. Join me, and stick with me during this new chapter! Love you all!

-S.

Transitions are hard.

Whether you’re starting the next level of your schooling, a new career, or a new chapter of your life, it’s hard to deny--change is tough.

I have always had an immense amount of pride in my ability to handle change. My top StrengthsFinder is Adaptability...I go with the flow, and whisper that first part of the Serenity Prayer. You know, “God grant  me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…” If I were brave enough, I’d tattoo it on the back of my hand as a constant reminder.

But recently I’ve come to realize that “change” and “a time of transition” aren’t always the same thing. We often use them interchangeably, and this of course varies for everyone…my definition of “change” is something that happens unexpectedly and throws off my routine or balance. And my definition of “a time of transition” is something that has been anticipated.

This new chapter that I’ve started is undeniably a life change, but it’s more of a transition. I have been anticipating moving to Lancaster for 5 years. It was the summer of 2010 when I made my first long-term visit. I stayed for a week with Liesl and we had our inaugural year of kids theatre camp. I met so many people who have influenced the woman I am now and I will never forget that. Each year since then, I’ve made the trek back and forth for various reasons, and about 6 months before I got engaged I knew that I had to spend my engagement in the city of Lancaster.

That didn’t happen. Instead I had to deal with change. He moved, I stayed. I was plagued by crippling panic attacks for weeks after he left. I shoved the idea of moving to Lancaster out of my head and tried to tread water for as long as I could. 6 months later, our engagement ended, and a friend who knows absolutely everything about me looked at me and said, “you should move in with me. It could just be the change that you need.”

I said a bold "yes." Forgetting that my bank account had barely enough money for a shopping spree let alone rent and a security deposit.

In June, we found a place.

In August, I moved in.

And here we are, September 15, 2015. I've been here exactly one month, and I have not stopped to breathe. And I don't regret it at all! I'm doing audience services for PRiMA Theatre, which was the best leap of faith I could have taken. I've transitioned from working part time in a theatre (Shout out to my State Theatre family! I miss you guys!) to working full time in a boutique as a stylist (getting paid to suggest clothes to people? Absofreakinglutely up my alley.) And this time next week, I will have started training at my new full-time job at the American Music Theatre as a box office associate! A job in my field that I LOVE and that I'm darn good at too!

I have had one day "off" since August 15th, and honestly, as someone who has [regrettably] taken pride in being a bit of a slacker, I'm enjoying stretching myself thin. (Although I'm exhausted beyond words.)

But sometimes being busy is an excuse to not focus on the hard parts of transitioning.

In the last two months, I've had my heart broken, I've had to wrestle with issues of race in the outside world and where/if I fit into those hard conversations, I've been misjudged, argued with, and have argued with myself about my own intentions, convictions and integrity. All of these things are hard to deal with. And then add moving on top of them! I was a mess! I still am. And that's okay.

Admitting that you're a mess (yes, YOU), is the first step to recognizing where you are in life. My roommate has this little window decoration that says "Your beautifully messy complicated story matters. (tell it.)" and I'm pretty sure that's become our motto over the last few years. It's ok to feel lost. It's ok to not know what's coming up even if you have it seemingly altogether. Even though I might seem "set" career wise for now, I'm anticipating more changes and transitions coming up. Because that's the way life works. 

You can't avoid change, you can only react to it the healthiest way you can. Maybe for you that means having someone "on call" who you can vent to--a friend, mentor, or therapist. Maybe that means a visit home to see your mom and have her make you a good home-cooked meal. Maybe that means going on a dating hiatus and figuring out yourself. Maybe (UGH) it means deactivating Facebook and digging into the Bible or a good book study. Maybe it means getting a dog or a cat!

Figuring out what you need to do to keep yourself intact is the only way to survive transitions. Everyone copes differently, but I'm confident that you cannot and should not do it alone. I have my Council of women who I can go to whenever life gets scary. And as weird as it might seem, I'm finally seeing that my mom is one of them. Your mom is less intimidating once you get into your 20s. Trust me.

Having people who know you and that you trust is essential, and super helpful. I'm thankful for all those people in my life; without them I would have drowned in an ocean of uncertainty. Everyone's story is different, and that's what keeps the world so beautiful. We connect over the mess, over someone saying "you too?? I thought it was just me!" Be vulnerable. Surround yourself with like-minded people. 

So, all that to say: change is hard. But it's inevitable. Deal with it the best way you know how.

If nothing else I've written sticks, remember this:

Your story, changes and transitions are important. They're messy, but that's ok. So are everyone else's. They matter, but more importantly, you matter.

Hold on, everyone. We are all in for one heck of a ride!

-S.

A Quick Update

Happy Monday, everyone! 

I'm wiped OUT from this weekend's XStream youth winter retreat. We had a great time at Pocono Plateau with two other local churches. The snow was gorgeous, the food was good, and a lot of great connections were made. Unfortunately around 5 AM Sunday, a nasty stomach bug befell one of the guy students. His fearless leader, who had been taking care of him, sent out a group text around 5 PM saying he had contracted it as well. Please say a prayer for David and Colin, and the rest of our team and students as a lot of us are sliding into midterms and can't really afford to get sick! 

While I'd love to take this time to talk about how amazing the weekend was, this post isn't about XStream. It is however, about my relationship with Lando.

In December, Lando and I decided that it was best that we postpone the wedding. I don't really remember a clear reason why, other than the obvious fact that something was "off." Several weeks and insane arguments later, I knew that something had to change. After seeking wise counsel, and a few awkward encounters, I decided it was time to end our relationship. It truly wasn't a mutual decision, even though we have both painted it that way out of respect for what happened. We have decided to focus on other separate life opportunities (note: There are several things I want to do that would have kept us apart for our first year of marriage, and no one wants to do that...), and focus on strengthening our relationships with God. We are trying this whole "let's be friends" thing, and we  most definitely appreciate the support from our family and friends. 

Yes, it's hard, and it sucks, and it has probably shocked the pants off of you, but honestly, God has already blessed this decision. He's gone before us and we have willingly followed his path. It doesn't completely make sense yet, but it will. 

We are both willing to talk about this, so please don't shy away because you're afraid of saying something "wrong." We are still Star and Lando, even though we aren't StarAndLando anymore. It'll be good. It's already good. We are resting in the truth that we have an entire lifetime ahead of us, even if it's not a lifetime we share as husband and wife. 

We love you all, and look forward to having you continue this journey with us in this new way. 

Peace and Blessings

-S. 

XStream Talking Points/Blog Post: Lies I Believed In High School

We're doing a dating series in XStream right now. And for those of you who have been keeping up with my life, you probably know that this is a strange topic for me right now. (For those of you who don't know, I'll be happy to talk about it privately over coffee, or via carrier pigeon.) This is the last week of our series, and we are splitting the guys and girls up for the Group Talk. The girls are going to be talking about body image/identifying our worth in Christ/confidence etc...and the boys will be talking about the lies of pornography. It's going to be a heavy night, but I'm praying it will be worth it. (I know it will be!)

I'm sharing tonight on the lie that I still have a tendency to give into: the lie that I'm "too much" or "too intimidating" or "too loud." When I was in middle school, I was the girl screaming at the lunch table over nothing. I talked loudly because I liked the attention. But sometimes it felt like I was losing the attention I desired because I was loud. My mom always told tells me that my voice carries. I'm just a loud talker. And it wasn't until I was in college that I realized that being a loud talker/being a great projector, isn't going to make or break my life. In fact, projecting well, as an actress, is actually one of the best things for your career.

In high school, I was always told, "be mysterious. Boys like girls with a little mystery." Even now as a 26 year old, I'm furrowing my brow at that. What the heck does that mean? I guess now it means "Don't lay out all of your personal baggage on the first date." But what does it mean to a 15 year old? To me, it translates to "Don't be too loud. Don't burp like one of the guys. Don't talk loudly about sports if you don't really know what you're saying." (Side note: last week at XStream, Juliandra and I asked the girls to write down what they thought they could do to become more "datable." 98% of them said "learn more about sports.")
 Anyway, I don't in anyway intend to downplay this bit of advice from my mother, but I wish I had known to ask for clarification. I would try to "be mysterious" around the boys I had crushes on...talking quieter, not really answering their questions, etc..., but that's not who I am. I'm outgoing, and vibrant, and when I think "mystery," when it comes to a character trait, I picture some girl hiding behind a thick Mark Twain (J.K. Rowling? Who is popular these days...?) novel, and wearing long skirts, and avoiding eye contact with all humans. And that's not a bad thing if that is your true personality! But I think for a long time, I tried to be something I wasn't when it came to having "mystery." I'm not the type of girl who has the time to have people hem and haw over what I like, or what I might be interested in doing on a Friday night. If you want to hang, if you want to get to know me, let's communicate about that. I will say, "Hey, my name is Star and I'm un-apologetically outgoing and I will tell you everything you need to know about being my casual acquaintance, or friend." I understand and respect that not everyone is wired like that (97% of my friends are introverts), BUT, I am truly of the belief that if you aren't being true to your personality, you are not living up to the person God created you to be. So if "being mysterious" is something you're good at, rock it! If being outgoing is something you're good at, rock it!

Either way: 

Never let anyone tell you you're too "this" or too "that" 

as if it makes or breaks your entire life. 

It doesn't define you now, or ever.

The lie that we are too much comes from a place of insecurity. But it doesn't need to be a hindrance when we realize that we are made in the Image of God and and grasp onto the idea that our identity is found in Christ only. No exceptions. 

You might ask what this means or what this looks like and, honestly, I don't know if I have an answer other than this that fits every single person: "Women must think rightly about being representatives of God made in His image, and fulfilling his purposes" (Matt Chandler, Beautiful Design). Each one of us is made with a purpose that is more than being the prettiest girl in the room, or the most talented, or the most mysterious, or outgoing. What matters is that we are here to do God's work...to live the life he has set before us. Younger girls might not realize it now, but each one of us is called to a higher purpose..whether that's going into ministry, being an actress, or being a professional athlete- God will use us to His glory.

Who you were created to be is already accepted by God. Don't worry about being accepted by others. Who you are in Christ is "enough." You are never too over-exuberant, or too mysterious.  

You are enough. Don't let anyone try to convince you that you need to change that.

14 Things Only Box Office Employees Understand (And things we wish we could nicely tell our patrons)

I love my job, I really do. The people I work with are great, I feel so privileged to come to a theatre everyday and have it be my job. But some days I seriously wonder if people know what my job is really like. It's not *just* selling tickets to events. It's so much more.

1. Just because you, our beloved patron, didn't see a ticket price listed (which is more than likely your error), does not mean the ticket is free. 

2.  Oh look, my ticketing system is freezing as I have 6 people standing in line.

3. I'm sorry it's really really reeeally not my fault that you got mixed information and are asking me too many questions that I can answer in just a few sentences. 

4. The phrase "We rent to anyone who needs a place to screen their film" means just that. 

No we do not have a political agenda for showing two sides to the same story.

No we do not have a political agenda for showing a film about fracking. 

No it's not our fault that your event isn't selling well. I'm seriously JUST the box office girl. 

(What I'm saying here is...please don't shoot the messenger. )

5. No we cannot make special deals with you if they aren't already in the system.

6. It is not our fault that tickets aren't available if you wait until the week before the show.

7.  And no, I can't "open any seats up" for you. You snooze, you lose.

8. Creeping into the caterer's kitchen to heat up your lunch. While there's a meeting going on. 

9. Being genuinely sweet to verklempt older patrons. (The phrase "Kill them with kindness" comes to mind. And then praying they don't actually fall over dead.) 

10. When the person on the phone is looking at the seating chart and tells you what they're seeing. And it's the exact same chart you're also looking at. 

11. Patron, (After seeing you as the only person at the counter): "I'm looking for someone who's in charge..." 

12. When you actually don't have the answer to their question and you have to find someone in charge. 

13. When people come in, talk, and don't actually order tickets. 

14. Remembering that things could be worse. Your day job is in your field, and thank goodness you're not folding tee shirts at a department store. 

(All images from imgur. Except for Anne Perkins and Leslie Knope. That one is from giphy.) 

Desiring "More"

Hello. This is a request. A time for reflection, a self-call-to-arms and a time that I'm calling out YOU.  Yes, you, my beautiful friend. This is about desire. But not the type that you think... it's something more deeply ingrained in our hearts. 
 
The last few months of my life have easily been the hardest I have ever faced (and weathered!) Lando moved, and suddenly I found myself engaged but totally "single." There have been more life trails than I care to share about, and through all of this I've been left with a need for "more." I put "more" in quotes because some days I know what that looks like and then my plans change, and other days I don't know what it is at all. I'm scattered and unfocused and want to get my life/life goals on track but have no hard examples of what that looks like. Sure it's easy to sit in my therapists office saying "I need an accountability partner,"  when I really wanted to say scream "I need someone to SHOW me how to do this!"

Then a few days ago, I remembered about The Desire Map. I'm not sure how to describe it, so I'll take an excerpt from the site:

"You want it and you want it bad. Aspiring. Hoping. Plotting. Recurring. Reaching. Bubbling beneath your surface. You crave it — and it craves you. 

So you make a plan to get it. A to-do list. The bucket list. Quarterly objectives. Strategy. Accountability. The goal. Except . . .

You’re not chasing the goal itself, you’re actually chasing a feeling.
We have the procedures of achievement upside down. We go after the stuff we want to have, get, accomplish, and experience outside of ourselves. And we hope, yearn, pray that we’ll be fulfilled when we get there. It’s backwards. It’s outside in. And it’s running us in circles.

What if, first, we got clear on how we actually wanted to feel in our life, and then we laid out our intentions? What if your most desired feelings consciously informed how you plan your day, your year, your career, your holidays — your life?

You know what will happen with that kind of inner clarity and outer action? You’ll feel the way you want to feel more often than not. Decisions will be easier to make: You’ll know what to say no, thank you to and what to say hell yes! to. I bet you’ll complain less. You’ll be more optimistic, more open-hearted. It will be easier for you to return to your center in the midst of a challenge — I promise.

You will do much less proving, and way more living.

And you will have more to give to the world.

For starters."

 The author is Danielle LaPorte, and from what I've gathered, she holds nothing back, and isn't afraid to be blunt. (I guess those are kind of the same thing?)  All across social media, she delivers daily #TruthBombs including this gem: "Turn you longing into a calling." And about a million more that I can't choose from/directly share.

I digress...I'm hoping to start going through the book, "The Desire Map." There's an app that Danielle LaPorte has released called Conversation Starters, and it's for a group to be able to go through the book with a good basis of structure. I love the idea of small groups, but for whatever reason, I can't seem to get stuck to one. I don't know if I'm lazy, scared of vulnerability, or find ways to convince myself that I have very little in common with the other members. (I think with the two small groups I've been a part of recently, all three of those are true, ESPECIALLY the last one.)

 I love the idea of going through "The Desire Map" with women who are close to my age/life situation and are willing to be vulnerable and honest. I think many times, as Christian women specifically, we are too scared to let our souls show. Among my 20-something friends, I am seeing more heartfelt yearnings...the yearn to travel; love bigger than ever; be more compassionate; learn more about ourselves and how God created us to help others. "The Desire Map" shows us just how to do all of those things, and stay focused and sane throughout the journey.

So, who wants in?

The website suggests book clubs as a way to get started. Using the Conversation Starters app, the workbook, Danielle's free audio files and/or just the book.  Meetings at a home, via Google Hangout (Or Skype, whatever), Barnes & Noble, anywhere! The book is $22.00, the workbook comes in packs of

3 @ $30.00 (or $12.00/book), and the journal is $12.50. I'm not sure about group discounts, but I'm hoping to get more information about that!

I feel pretty strongly that "The Desire Map" is what will help us all get what we want. 

Oh, and, if you're into Celebrity Testimonials, Shailene Woodley says: "She reps the sisterhood thing and women’s empowerment… The Desire Map [is] basically charting the things that you want in life, and not just sitting back and saying, “I’m going to manifest this…here’s how,” but actively doing something to manifest your dream."  So yeah. there's that.

Ps: Remember Lauren Dubinsky? Founder of The Good Women Project? Yeah, she's how I first found out about "The Desire Map." So really, that recommendation is worth the perusal.

Join me?

(From daniellelaporte.com)

Year 25: Back to School Edition-Dear Megan.

This is a little something I wanted to share with one of my former students who will be attending Messiah College (the college I attended) this fall! Here are a few things I think she should know about Messiah.

1. Climenhaga is haunted. Seriously. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Mostly this would only affect (effect? Both, I guess...) you if you're in Miller Theatre. I've never encountered either of the ghosts, but I have friends who have. They are friendly ghosts, but they're still ghosts. Nothing to be afraid of...just be aware!

2. Shoes are optional. You'll be making the trek to the High Center everyday for the next 4 years. Proper footwear is a must. If you have to wear heels to performance class or anything that involves going down the Climenhaga Hill, carry them. That thing is a beast! (I lost the back to my cell phone there one year. Never found it.) I have walked that hill many times in bare feet to make the journey a little easier. Remember, this is college, not high school. No one will judge you for not wearing shoes outside.

3. Lottie. Here are just a few things...You can have ice cream WHENEVER YOU WANT. You can make a root beer float WHENEVER YOU WANT. You can eat a bagel WHENEVER YOU WANT. You can have cereal WHENEVER YOU WANT. You can eat a salad WHENEVER YOU WANT. AND THERE'S A FRUIT BAR. (I had to include something healthy because I assume your mom will read this....) Take friends and check it out. Seriously so many options. Also check out the Union (the chicken fingers are amazing, and the veggie burgers are legit), and also the Falcon (the white pizza at the Falcon is seriously so so so good!)

4. Baker's Diner. Bakers is just up the road in Dillsburg. Your task is to find someone with a car (Maybe suggest going as a peer group or floor activity!), and go get some delicious diner food. Their hot chocolate comes with whipped cream and sprinkles. I can't find the picture right now, but when I do I'll make sure to tag you so you can see it. It's a good place for off-campus studying too. Take some theory friends and get away from the busyness of the Bubble. It'll be good for your soul.

5. Participate in your floor activities. I am still in touch with a few girls from my freshman floor. We would go to dinner together, see movies in Parmer (SEE THE MOVIES IN PARMER. THEY ARE AWESOME.), have movie nights in our dorm, etc... These girls are your essential your sisters for the year. And it's ok to not get along with everyone or be BFFs with everybody. But finding a few close friends besides your roommate is always good.

6. Go to a soccer game. If there's one thing that is an un-missable Messiah Experience it's the men's soccer games. Even if you're not big into sports, it's such a privilege to be at the school who holds a rare title for having Championship trophies in both men's and women's sports in the same year. Get to a game. From someone who has wept and laughed during those games, I can guarantee that it's something that you have to HAVE TO attend. Take friends!! Everything is better with more people.

7. Be outside while you still can. If you were to take a poll of the most beautiful seasons in Central Pennsylvania, I'm betting the majority of people would say Fall would come first. So enjoy it. There are few things more beautiful than Messiah in the fall. The leaves turn colors, the morning air is crisp, and on the weekends, you can go apple picking! Paulus Orchards is 9 minutes away from campus, and is a fun little place. One of my friends just told me she still has syrup in her fridge from there! Apples, pumpkins, and I think it might have a mini corn maze too! Again, take some friends. My RA organized an outing Sophomore year and it was great fun! Sitting by the Yellow Breeches is also a completely legitimate way to spend time outside too! There are benches and even a secret spot that I'd be more than happy to tell you about! Carve out some downtime to read a book, go find a place, pack some snacks and go read. Yes, academics are important, but there comes a time where you just have to veg and be outside.

8. Make friends with the theatre people. For some obscure reason, there's a myth/legend/partial-truth that theatre kids and music kids don't get along. But since you're a pianist, your talents will be called upon by lots of singers. Ask about being in the JTerm musical pit. That's a good way to get your foot in the door, and Dr. Dixon (if he's still there...I think he took a sabbatical last year...?), is super fun and really nice.

9. It's ok to pick and choose your friends. This is something I wish someone would have told me in high school. It's ok to not be friends with people you don't like. In college you will come across lots of people who might not share your viewpoints or beliefs. And that's ok! Use your discernment to figure out who will be an edifying friend, and who you can support as a friend. Looking back, I realize all the fights I had in college were ridiculous and not worth my time. And you know what, that's ok. You will make friends and you might even lose friends. But the important thing is to invest in the friendships and the communities that are God-honoring and positive!

10. Speaking of "community," pick your Created and Called for Community (CCC) professor wisely. CCC is the spring equivalent of FYS. Sometimes your peer group decides to stick together and schedule the same section of CCC. Sometimes you go your own ways. But whatever you do, make sure you know the positives of the professors. I LOVED my CCC professor. (Shout out to Rob Pepper!) He made everything clear, created a safe space for ideas, and was very very nice. I had some friends who DETESTED their CCC professor. So do your research. Ask your upperclassmen friends, or check out ratemyprofessor.com. It's super helpful for everything actually! (Along the same academic lines, ask for help when you need it. I was so terrified of going to tutoring or office hours because I thought people would think I was stupid. But really that extra time would have saved me so much heartache my freshman year!)

11. Get involved in the Worship Community. The people you see up front leading worship during chapel? They are a few of the Messiah College Worship Community. Doug Curry is the guy to talk to about that, along with a few people in the music department. You could be one of the piano players, or a reader, or any other volunteer job they have. Check it out!

12. Go sledding down Cemetery Hill.  This is something that is on my "regrets" list. As in, I didn't do it and what the heck was I thinking?! Seriously. The first weekend of good snow (Usually during JTerm), go sledding. And then go get hot chocolate at the Union.

13. Service Trips. Into The Streets isn't your only option! The Agape Center has lots of options to get involved! I organized two Service Day trips to Theatre Harrisburg in the spring of my Junior and Senior year and they were lots of fun. You can get your friends together and decide where you're going to serve!

14. Coffeehouse. Such a great way to see all the talent your school has to offer! Also, go to B-Sides! Wednesday nights at the Union. The Student Activities Board (SAB) brings in fun bands before they get popular. It's basically the ultimate hipster experience.

15. Get to Orchard Hill and befriend President Phipps. I remember the day I saw Pres. Phipps in the Falcon and she said "Hi Star!" and it made. my. day. I had only a few interactions with her and remembered me. Go to Pizza with the Prez. It's a fun little night where she brings pizza to your dorm and hangs out and chats! Orchard Hill is her house and it's beautiful! She will sometimes host dinners, and you might even get the chance to sing for her with concert choir! She is nice and listens to the students' requests, needs, etc...!

16. HAVE. FUN. This is seriously so important. Find things that make you happy. Breathe in the breezes, soak up the sunshine. Everyone always says that college that are the best 4 years of your life, and that it flies by so fast. And I can't agree more. But there are things you can do that will make those 4 years not only the best, but the most fun! Find your niche, but also don't be afraid to go outside of your comfort zone. That's where [most of] the growth happens. Be safe, be smart, be silly, and be YOU.

(http://shoutitforlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Messiah-College.jpg)

Year 25, Wedding Planning Edition: Top 5 Things That Surprised Me

Top 5 Things That Surprised Me About Planning Our Wedding. (So Far.) 

It's a beautiful day here in Happy Valley and I am up to my elbows in planning! There have been some bumps in the road, and I'm not one to "fake it" on Facebook and act like everything is 100% going our way. Because it hasn't been. A month ago, we decided to postpone the wedding altogether. After a rough evening, I was in tears sobbing for my wedding, and my marriage. The next day, Lando and I shared some tense moments pouring our hearts out to each other and coming to the conclusion that we needed to stop planning a party, and start working on our marriage. I emailed the marriage counselor at our church to set up a time to our pre-marital counseling sessions. In the meantime, while I was waiting to hear back from the counselor, Lando and I made a pact to not talk about wedding planning until he had gotten a job offer. It didn't make sense at the time to plan a wedding when we didn't know where he would be at the start of this school year. We stuck to that pact fairly well, and I'm quite proud of myself!! I felt like such a nerd starting counseling early, but I know I won't be 100% happy with one Big Day if the Rest of Our Lives are doomed. (More on that later.) As soon as we set up a time to meet, Lando and I started to ease back into the planning conversations. We took it one small step at a time: reconfirming our wants and absolute must haves and our "wouldn't it be great if...."
Then, one morning I woke up with an idea. A great idea, and everything has fallen into place so far. So, stay tuned. Because it's going to be explosively amazing.

Anyway, I thought I'd share the top 5 things that have surprised me while planning:

#5: How hard it is to plan a wedding. 
For years I've been saying how awesome it would be to become a wedding planner. It's actually one of my dream jobs! So when I got engaged, I set my jaw and said (numerous times) "We don't NEED a wedding planner. I got this, yo." Here we are three months later and we are searching for a wedding planner. To some it seems excessive, and I had that mindset too. But there are a million little things that go into this wedding, that I am sure I haven't thought of. For example: who takes the flowers from the church to the reception venue?? I'm not about to stick them in the back of my parents suburban and have them transported like that over a mountain! Those types of details can be ironed out with the help of a planner.

#4: How hard it is to plan a wedding in State College. 
The person who is 1/2 of our photography team warned me about a week before I got engaged that local vendors would start booking up about a year in advance around here. Then I got engaged, we set an arbitrary date and it hit me that we were already MASSIVELY behind. We trudged through, looking at venues, meeting with people, and making internet searches. When our date changed the first time, I breathed a sigh of relief, because we had just bought ourselves the exact amount of time we needed. Then when that fell into the sinkhole of "Bad Ideas," and we came up with our new date, we somehow found ourselves in the "Holy Cow, This is Less Than A Year Away" category. (Side note: this may have been intentional on my part, and yes, Lando knows it.) So we contacted our three necessary vendors (Photographers, church, and reception venue) and ate a giant slice of humble pie, and asked if our new date was available. And, much to our relief, none of them were booked! Now, this is not to in anyway suggest that you slack on booking vendors in the Centre County Area. We were blessed....so, future State College brides, my advice is to pick three dates (which is apparently what you're supposed to do anyway....?), do your research on vendors in the area, and then propose the dates to see when they are available.  We almost settled on a second choice vendor, and the moment I hit "send" on that email, I regretted it. Don't regret your venue choices! It will be the third most photographed thing on The Day. Next only to you and your partner, and your family and bridal party. (That statistic is completely made up.)

#3: How expensive invitations are. 
Lando and I decided on invitations about a month after we got engaged. We made some Chinese food, turned on Boy Meets World, and went through the free samples I got from Wedding Paper Divas. WPD is seriously an amazing site. You get free shipping on all orders ALWAYS (the code is at the top of the page), and you can order up to 8 FREE samples. You can customize them (not with names, but with dates and designs), and they send you the invite, RSVP card, details card (lodging, etc...) AND the envelopes that match. I digress, we perused them. Picked out our top one, and did some number crunching. It was going to cost us over $1100 to get these invitations. We said a quick "heck no," to that, and decided to come back to that detail later. A few weeks went by and one of my dear friends asked what we were doing for invitations. I said I wasn't sure, but I knew I didn't want to pay a huge amount for them. He then said "I'll do them. I'm not kidding. I'll design your invitations for you." So now, Josh is designing our Save The Dates and our invites and so far, they are so cool. Josh knows me fairly well, and can tell what I might like, or what I might not like, and always checks with me to make sure I've actually shared his ideas with Lando. (Ha! Whoops. Doing my best to keep this an egalitarian planned activity!) In the long run, Josh is saving us an enormous amount of money, and he might be off the hook for getting us a wedding present...

#2: How much of an adult I am...not.
As 20 somethings, we really struggle with where and how we fit into this world that we're inhabiting. I always felt that the minute some brave guy wanted to wife me, and put a sparkly ring on my finger, my course would be laid out before me. I felt so grown up the morning after The Proposal, when my dad and I were filing my taxes. And then when Lando and I started budgeting and crunching numbers, I felt so grown up, because if you know me, you know I'm a terrible money manager. That's around the time I realized that I had no money to spend on this wedding. And that was right around the time that I decided to put in my two weeks notice at my job, that I didn't like, but was my only source of income. So for the last three months, I've been poor. Like, poorer than I've ever been in my entire life, and the most discouraged I have ever been in my entire life. I'll spare you the gory details, but there were other things happening that made me feel like I wasn't ready for marriage. I've cried a lot, and there have been some intense arguments with various people, but in the end, as a good friend reminded me, no one is ever truly ready for marriage. It's a journey that most of us in our early 20s have never been on, so of course we're not "ready" for it. But we can prepare for it as best we can. Counseling, budgeting, job searching, going on road-trips with your fiance (seriously, go on a 3.5 hour + road-trip with your significant other. If you can handle that, and both of you escape well-fed and alive, you can climb marriage mountains), and lots of reminders to keep things easy. Laugh a lot. Take time away from planning The Day, and plan The Rest of Your Life. We've started our marriage counseling, and it was an amazing, and very eye-opening, 2 hour session. It got pretty intense really fast, and none of us were expecting it. But because of that, Lando and I feel better prepared for our second session. I digress...take time out of the wedding planning to work on your marriage, and your personal lives. Because once all the confetti, sparklers, and your Caribbean tan all fade away, and it's just the two of you standing in the kitchen of your new home...that's when stuff gets real. And if you're not prepared for that....it probably won't be easy.

#1: How much support we have. 
Seriously, we have had an OVERWHELMING amount of support. People have come out of the woodwork to offer tips, and tricks, or simply lunch dates to talk about wedding plans. People I haven't talked to in years have inquired about how things are going. It's amazing to know that even though I might not be invited to share in their festivities, women are so helpful when it comes to wedding planning. I think that's one of the coolest things about being engaged...people who have been there will lend an ear, advice, a bag full of vendor information, anything. And this is not to say that our non-engaged or even single friends haven't been helpful....they've been some of our biggest supporters! Especially the people in our bridal party. So a tip for picking bridesmaids and groomsmen: think of the people you know you can trust. Choose the girls who will come over for a wedding crafting night, and the guys who will take you out for wings when your bride gets a little overbearing. (It will happen. Even the most casual bride has her "must haves" list.) Ask your parents to chip in! I found a great article on TheKnot on how to get the Father of the Bride involved in the planning. I think it's adorable, and dads, or step dads, will jump at the chance to help their little girl have a special day.  Let your day be your day, but don't be so prideful that you refuse help. You'll be up to your ears in mini details that would be easy to sort out if you ask for some assistance!

So those have been some things that I've learned along the way...so far. Advice, additions, and questions, as always are welcome at anytime!

(This is one of the invite samples from Wedding Paper Divas! 

I've cropped out the irrelevant information, but you get the point!)