A Quick Update

Happy Monday, everyone! 

I'm wiped OUT from this weekend's XStream youth winter retreat. We had a great time at Pocono Plateau with two other local churches. The snow was gorgeous, the food was good, and a lot of great connections were made. Unfortunately around 5 AM Sunday, a nasty stomach bug befell one of the guy students. His fearless leader, who had been taking care of him, sent out a group text around 5 PM saying he had contracted it as well. Please say a prayer for David and Colin, and the rest of our team and students as a lot of us are sliding into midterms and can't really afford to get sick! 

While I'd love to take this time to talk about how amazing the weekend was, this post isn't about XStream. It is however, about my relationship with Lando.

In December, Lando and I decided that it was best that we postpone the wedding. I don't really remember a clear reason why, other than the obvious fact that something was "off." Several weeks and insane arguments later, I knew that something had to change. After seeking wise counsel, and a few awkward encounters, I decided it was time to end our relationship. It truly wasn't a mutual decision, even though we have both painted it that way out of respect for what happened. We have decided to focus on other separate life opportunities (note: There are several things I want to do that would have kept us apart for our first year of marriage, and no one wants to do that...), and focus on strengthening our relationships with God. We are trying this whole "let's be friends" thing, and we  most definitely appreciate the support from our family and friends. 

Yes, it's hard, and it sucks, and it has probably shocked the pants off of you, but honestly, God has already blessed this decision. He's gone before us and we have willingly followed his path. It doesn't completely make sense yet, but it will. 

We are both willing to talk about this, so please don't shy away because you're afraid of saying something "wrong." We are still Star and Lando, even though we aren't StarAndLando anymore. It'll be good. It's already good. We are resting in the truth that we have an entire lifetime ahead of us, even if it's not a lifetime we share as husband and wife. 

We love you all, and look forward to having you continue this journey with us in this new way. 

Peace and Blessings

-S. 

"Year One: We Made It." or "An open letter to Lando."

Dear Lando,

Phew. We did it. I have so many emotions today, but the strangest one is probably the feeling of relief. Relief that we accomplished something. We accomplished staying together...and while some people would question the validity and authenticity of our relationship based on that statement, we know something that we've only shared with those closest to us: it has been a struggle that goes far beyond the distance aspect.

If I had a dollar for every time I doubted myself in this partnership...I'd have a lot of dollars. If I had a dollar for every time I doubted you in this partnership, I'd have zero dollars. Your tenacity and optimism is to be praised and admired. I wish I had a tenth of that...but then I realize that I have 100% of you for the days when when I'm feeling 0%.

A few nights ago, I was low. Low on hope, energy, and faith. My emotional storage was at it's brink, and there you were. You lifted me out of the darkness, as you've done so many times over the last 12 months. You emptied me of my hurt, and filled me with the knowledge that you support me, even if that means eventually enduring distance again. You believed in me...but more importantly, you believed in us. 

When we first embarked on this journey, we were strangers. I had always sworn I would never date someone until they were my friend for at least a year. I sat on the couch the night we made it official, and wondered what had happened. This wasn't a part of the plan. I only wanted a showmance. But God laughed and said, "Just kidding. But the waters will be rough. I have given you both enough strength to deal with the situation at hand."

Sometimes I wish our circumstance had been different. But then I remember how much we've grown as individuals and as a couple, even though we're miles apart. I think that's the reason 91.3 miles are between us. I needed to learn about myself. I needed to learn about you over a period of time. I always forget what foods you hate, but I'm sure that will come in time.

You have this quality about you that exudes natural friendship, and support. I challenge one person to name a time that they've felt abandoned or betrayed by you. I'm going to guess no one would be able to say that about you. You're Lando. In the words of Mo: "Errybody know Lando."
Your reputation precedes you, and is a constant reminder to me of the impact you have had on other peoples' lives. You inspire me to be the best version of myself, because in the end, that's all anybody can ask of me.

You know that you are not my better or other half, and I am not your better or other half. God created us as two fully formed beings. It just so happens that when we came together, we were able to supplement each others' already fully formed personalities. I think we balance each other out quite nicely: you help me come back down to reality, and I help pull you into a world that (at this moment) only exists only in our shared dream-space.  But it's more than just fantasies of big houses with multiple man/woman caves. It runs much deeper, but that, I think, I'll leave between us.

You aren't my better half, but you help me to be a better person. And that speaks volumes. Not only to you, but to what God has done in each of us during this journey. He's transformed our lives, and we both are beginning to see a clearer plan that he's laid out for us. Will it be easy? No. We're miles away, and it's going to take a lot of prayer and discernment and mentoring on both of our parts. But I have no doubt that more we delight in him, the more he will show us blessings and favor. (That's so preachy of me...but true!)

I look forward to growing with you, and seeing where this journey is going to take us next.

Love,
Starleisha.

(http://www.etsy.com/listing/119712173/to-love-another-person-is-to-see-the)

1 year later: How it all happened.

I'm so excited to share this story with you all. It's the nitty gritty truth of the day I met my boyfriend, and countless other people who I consider friends. Everything I say here he already knows, so don't feel upset or shocked. Also, if you know me, you won't be too surprised. 

It was hot. Too hot. I woke up sweating, and with a ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach. "Please dear God, let today go well. I don't know what I'll do if I don't make friends..."  I honestly don't know how many times I prayed that prayer. I attempted to eat some Kashi Heart Health cereal, but it stuck to the roof of my mouth, and, honestly, it's gross. I let it get soggy as I dialed my home number. My mom picked up, and as usual sang a cheerful "Hiya!" 

I can't do this. I can't go to this meet and greet. 
You have to. You'll be fine! Did you eat breakfast?
Not really. I can't eat. I'm so nervous. What if they don't like me??
You have nothing to be nervous about! Just be your sweet self, and you'll make friends!
But what if I don't??
You will.  

We hung up, and I laid down on the bed,  listening to the hum of the air conditioner, and pretending to watch "Gilmore Girls" on the television.
Finally, I forced myself to shower and get ready. I was moving at a snail's pace, occasionally throwing myself on the floor and forcing some deep breaths. I showered, pulled on a super cute outfit, fixed my hair, and forced my contacts to be comfortable in my eyes. I checked and double checked the address, studied the GoogleMap and figured out exactly where I was going. I can walk there! All I have to do is....cross 4 lanes of traffic. No big deal. YOLO. I filled a cooler bag full of soda, chips and hummus (theatre people LOVE hummus), filled my water bottle, and headed out the door. 
Before I was out of the neighborhood, I sent this picture to my best guy friend and my sister: 

                                    Off to the meet and greet! Hopefully I make friends!! 

15 minutes later, I got to the address. I took a deep breath, wiped the sweat off my arms, walked in, up the steps and saw a living room full of pre-teens. ughhh. children. I rounded the corner and saw adults in the kitchen. Let's do this. I smiled big, and began to introduce myself. So many names. So many people. I gave my basics: my school, my hometown, how my family ended up owning a house in this town, etc...There were some girls around my age there, but I wasn't sure what I'd talk about since these people were like...actually musical theatre people. Which I decidedly was not. So I just decided to eat, because I'm good at that. 
I chatted with a woman named Margaret, and I mentioned going to school at MC. She had sent her son to jazz camp there, and as we were remarking on the beauty of the campus, a male voice said behind me: 
"I know someone who went to M.C."
 "Really?? Who??"
 "Emily H."
 "OHMYGOSH I love Emily H!!! She's the nicest!" 

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the first conversation I ever had with my boyfriend. The second one came a few minutes later when I literally interrupted a conversation he and Amanda and Ellie were having about Sutton Foster. (In hindsight, that was really rude. I'm sorry guys. But also, I'm not sorry at all. ) 
The four of us moved to the deck and talked about life and theatre. This guy (I still wasn't sure of his name...it was something really weird, and I didn't want to get it wrong, so I avoided using it all together), mentioned that he had seen me walking to the party earlier. I laughed it off . "It's my workout for the day. No big deal." To be perfectly honest, I could tell this kid was kind of into me, but I couldn't wait to get home and back online to talk to this other guy I was obsessing over at the time. 

The younger kids came outside, so we decided it was time to move back indoors. We talked for a bit longer, and the two girls left, leaving me and this kid alone. He was fidgeting, and I was fighting off sleep. 
"Well, I should probably get going." He stood, and looked at me. "It was nice meeting you." 
This is the moment that still gets to me. He was leaving. He knew I had walked there. He was clearly interested in me, but he didn't offer me a ride home. I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't upset. I almost asked him if he could give me a ride, but we were practically strangers, and I thought that would be weird. But obviously, his offering me a ride would have been perfectly normal! He left, and I left shortly after. 

I got home, called my mom and told her the good news, and updated my facebook status. I saw I had a friend request. I accepted. "Lan Dando...I'm like a million percent positive that wasn't that kid's name, and his picture is of a Seuss character and, oh look...he just wrote on my wall... Hey! It was really nice meeting you today! I look forward to working on "Seussical" with you. See you next week!" 
Um..ok. 

A week passed, and Dando....? Lan.....do? What WAS this kid's name?!, had been away at a conference. He finally came back, and we avoided each other. We only talked online, and then we wouldn't say anything during rehearsals. 

On July 15, 2012, I posted an article from RELEVANT Magazine called 10 Summer Date Ideas which is a list of fun things to do. He commented on the link and said he knew someone who would like to do "many of them" with me. 
I think we all know what happened next. 

For our first date, we went mini golfing, and got Creamery ice cream.11.25 months later, that's the only thing on that list that we've accomplished, but that leaves room for more fun things to do. 

It's important to note here that I had no intention of dating this guy. I told several of my friends that I just wanted to have a summer fling. I'd never had one before, and I was finally living on my own in a small city, and there was a guy who was interested. Goodbye to the days of wanting a long-term commitment, and hello showmance! 

God's hilarious, isn't He? 

As I look back over the last year, I'm thankful for all the friends I've made from my experience in Seussical, and through Lando. It's been a year of new friends of all different types. 
I've learned much more than I anticipated: Life as a fraternity girlfriend, maintaining patience during a long distance relationship, and loving someone no matter where they are in life. 
Have things been perfect? No. 
Have we almost called it quits? Multiple times, actually. 
Would I trade all of the valley moments for consistent mountaintop experiences? No. It's at the low points where we grow the most. 

So even though today is just the anniversary of when we first met, not started dating, I wanted to share the experience with you all, even though some of you were lucky enough to experience it with us. Special thanks to Rick G. for suggesting that Marcy call Lando and ask him to be in the show. Marcy, for listening to Rick.  Kat & Michael for hosting the meet and greet, and everyone else who saw the whole thing going in a great direction, and nurtured the relationship from day one. 

Lando says: "I just wanted to sincerely thank all of Star's new friends, my new friends, and and our mutual friends for your love, support, and prayers for the last year. We are so grateful to have you all in our lives." 

I second his sentiments, and would add that are both so excited to see what God has in store for our future,
and we are excited to have you by our sides. 
Onward with phase two!!  

Photo by Lois Abdelmalek

Nomadic Life

Happy Tuesday, and wow, Happy July! It's crazy that it's July already! I'm super excited about July for a number of reasons:
1. Lots of Penn State friends are coming back to town (State College) for Fourth Fest and Arts Fest! I'm mentally preparing myself for lots of food and merriment and shenanigans!
2. New York City trip! My boyfriend is taking me to the City this coming Saturday, and there's a lot of secretive things happening. He keeps saying "don't ask questions." So I can't wait to see what he has up his sleeves.
3. Anniversary Month. It's been almost a year since I had my first conversation with my boyfriend; and countless other people I now consider close friends. (The official "first conversation" date is the 8th!!)  So. Let's just say.....I'm anticipatory.
4. Vacation Bible School! I haven't been to VBS in YEARS and this year I co-wrote opening skits with a friend that we get to perform at the beginning of VBS every night. Stoked.

Anyway, other than those four things, July is going to be a typical moth...spending time with my family, and doing what I do best: Be a Nomad. Here are some things I've learned about being a nomad over the last [almost] year--

Nomadic life is easy. Sometimes when I return home, I don't even unpack my suitcases. Of course my laundry gets done, but otherwise, things are left for the next trip. It just makes life a lot easier, you know? Why unpack something you're going to repack in 5-8 days? No time for that mess. Just leave it all in the bags!

Nomadic life is stressful. No matter how cool it is to be house-hopping, I still live with my parents, and they are still working full time. That means, sometimes I'm ready to leave home way before they are, and sometimes, they're ready to leave without me. It's fun, and we always have good times in the car. And I think I've finally gotten to the point where I'm so excited to get going every Friday that I don't put off packing until the last minute. (Is that called maturity? ew.)

Nomadic life ruins plans. My boyfriend and I decided to do Surprise Date Night. Because usually, we just make plans spontaneously and occasionally default on them for various reasons. One Friday, there was a lot of work to be done before my family and I left the house, but my boyfriend had already planned our Surprise Date Night for that evening. Whoops. We had to reschedule because sometimes you have to help out with the chores. (He took me mini golfing in the freezing cold to re-create our first date! Fastest round of mini golf ever.)

Nomadic life makes the long-distance relationship easier to manage. I am so thankful to my grandparents for their purchase of this house in small town PA that's only 15 minutes away from my boyfriend. No more words needed.

Nomadic life is easy to schedule. I'm bad with planners. I got a Downton Abbey Engagement Calendar  for Christmas, and I love it! It's been so helpful, and the pictures are great! I've consulted it a lot, and it helps me when I have to tell people when I'm available, or not. I have a handful of friends, all of whom I've met in the last year. (Pre-Nomadic Life.) Unfortunately, have I spent a lot of time with them? Kinda sorta. And it's fun when we do get together. But a group of us have been trying to get together for MONTHS and I'm the hold up. They are sweet enough to wait for me to come home, but not everyone is, and that leads to:

Nomadic life has left me partially friend-less. It's not intentional. I don't say "oh so and so wants to hang out, I gotta skip town." No. It's literally a planning thing. I've been scheduled to be away/busy/out of town for a reason. Not just to avoid you. I'm sorry you feel abandoned. But this is my life now. I'm destined to be a Nomad. And I like it.

Nomadic life confuses me. You know that saying "Home is where the heart is." ? You know the variations, I'm sure: "Home is wherever I'm with you." "Home is where my bunch of crazies are." A good friend said it really well. "Where I was born and where I'm living isn't home.It's like home is everywhere and nowhere. And that's beautiful and scary all at the same time."

They say "the heart" is wherever you long to be. But as a Nomad, I long to be everywhere. So, really my heart is everywhere. It's in this sleepy little town 4.6 miles east of The Pennsylvania State University. It's in State College. It's at home, with my parents, where I grew up with my cats and my dog, and the gorgeous farmland and smell of cow manure. It's in Lancaster County, where my life has been changed countless times. It's on any stage I've ever stepped foot on, and every stage I have yet to grace.

Would I trade these mixed feelings for a life of mental peace? Nope.
Would I trade Nomadic life for a sense of consistency? No. Spontaneity is what makes my life beautiful.  Being everywhere and nowhere all at once is how I'm choosing to live.

Won't you join me? I'll pick you up so we can journey together.

Long Distance:A Short Piece

If you had told me in May of 2012 that a year later I would be dating someone who was two hours away, I would have laughed in your face. I would have said, "Nah, dude. Just going to have a showmance this summer. Nothing more, nothing less." Fast forward to July. God was like "Just kidding, here, try this instead..." There was a boy, and we spent the month just taking walks, talking, going to and from rehearsals together, and just having fun.Then August came, and that's when I ended up 180 miles away from him, back in my small town. It was weird. It wasn't like it was the end of the semester, and you pinky-swore to be BFFs forever. This was our first real, grown-up relationship. And we would not be together everyday. 

Being in a long distance relationship is unlike anything I've ever experienced. It's not tragic like some romance movies make it out to be (Example: "The Notebook." 365 hand-written letters all confiscated by a mother? Ain't nobody got time for dat!), and it's not as tumultuous and promiscuous as "Like Crazy": The movie with that sweet young couple who was separated by the Atlantic Ocean and mountains of Immigrant visa paperwork. (It also has really great poetic moments, and good picture-quotes: see below).
No, we are fortunate enough to have supportive parents who make sure we get to see each other, we are in the same state, and both of us are legal citizens of the U.S., so deportation is not a threat. (Side note: for those of you who don't know, my sister lives 15 minutes from my boyfriend. Convenient, right?)

In spite of all the positives, our long distance relationship, like any non-scripted relationship, has been anything but glamorous. 

The last 9 months of my life have been un-matchable. Peppered with so many emotions, a lot of prayer and growth on both his part and mine, and within our relationship. I think some of the challenges we are facing in our separate lives, (I'm trying to finish school, he's actively job-searching), would be overblown if we were together all of the time. Being apart has let us learn about ourselves away from another person. I'm not attached to his hip or relying on him for every little thing. I've learned how to read him even over Facebook Chat. I've figured out when to think before I speak as to not overwhelm him, (this is a shock to my system...I don't know how to handle it sometimes), and I'm getting better at adjusting to his busy schedule even though I have far less to do than he does. Seriously, I have functioned without him for 24 years, I can survive being two hours apart. 
Is it rewarding? Absolutely. Honestly, I am learning a lot about life and dedication and this has been one big exercise in patience for me. 
Is it sometimes awful? Yes. Some days it feels like this: 

Is it frustrating to see other people upset and missing their significant other even though they're a short distance apart? Incredibly. It baffles me. At first, being apart was just frustrating. But now, I try really hard not to whine about the distance. But other people do complain and it gets annoying. It got to the point where I created a meme about it and laughed for a long time.
At the same time, I have mad respect for military families who do this multiple times a year. They are the true champions of long distance relationships, and I admire them a lot! 

It was right after the meme that I was discussing this with a friend. He reminded me that the people who tend to complain about their relationships aren't in them for very long. It reminded me that I need to be thankful for what I'm learning while I'm in this season of my life, instead of wishing away the days that I do have. I have a feeling that kind of contentment will come in handy once we are ready to be geographically together. 

There's not real formula to successfully surviving long distance relationship; Trust me, I've looked.
My advice/reminders/pep-talk to myself and to anyone in a long distance relationship is simply this: 

 I refuse to complain about the distance aspect of my relationship. It's been 9 months. It is what it is. It's not perfect, but it's handled. With maturity comes acceptance. And the willingness to persevere and push through the sludge&distance and have faith in your relationship. Trust God, trust each other, trust yourself, and trust the "us" and the "we" and the "together" even if you're apart.