Thursday Thoughts: Sex and Best Friends.

This post has been sitting in my drafts for a few weeks. I wasn't sure If I wanted to post it, but after an interesting turn of events, I've decided it would be unhealthy to let it sit for any longer. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject down in the comments, but please keep things positive! -s.

Brief background: I grew up in a Christian home, but my parents weren't very "strict" or anything like that. They had three  older daughters, so by the time they acquired me, they knew what they were doing. I think the biggest thing they were really careful about was television/music. I remember when I finally got my N*SYNC CD. I was so happy, I could have cried. As with any child, the rules were adjusted as I grew up.
In seventh grade, I met one of my best friends. We'll call her R. We did everything together through middle school and high school. We formed a friend group with three other girls, and we were basically inseparable. Sleepovers, two proms, lots of fights, and even more boys.
When I got to Christian college I met extremely sheltered kids and I realized I was much more worldly than some others.While I was there, I made lots of friends. The friends I made my first year as a theatre major include some girls I still consider to be my best friends. And we've covered so many topics about sexuality: what it looks like as a Christian woman, what it looks like within marriage, hooking up, slut-shaming, virgin-shaming...the list goes on and on.

Out of the four girls I was close friends with in high school, I've only ever talked with one of them about sex. And that was after we had been in college for a year. 

I was reflecting on this the other day and it floored me. I call R one of my best friends, yet I don't feel like I can talk to her about this topic. Now that we are in our twenties and we both have serious boyfriends, you would think the conversation would have happened by now...but it hasn't. The opportunity hasn't even arisen. Could I have brought it up out of the blue? Sure, but it would have felt awkward.

I feel as if I have dropped some of the responsibility of being a true friend. 

Friends are supposed to tell each other things, and go to each other with questions, or conversation-starting topics. "Best Friends" are supposed to tell each other everything,* including if there's any "gettin' busy" of any kind currently or in the future. 

*(All of this should be discussed with a respect to the significant other, of course). 

I don't know why I haven't talked to my friend about this. We've known each other for twelve years, and I've barely made a "that's what she said" joke around her. 

My question for you is this: Why is it so easy to talk about the deep topics with friends from college, or friends we consider "older"? Do you find subjects such as hooking-up or sex easy or hard to talk about with friends you didn't meet on a college campus? Why or why not? 

I don't have the answers, and I'm sure that there isn't a right or wrong answer. Sex is a part of life, and eventually you or one of your friends is going to be getting married...why wait until then to have "the talk" with them?
 Here's some motivation for all of us: just do it. 

Shine Bright

-s.