Diversity in the Theatre: I won't stop speaking up.

Lately, I've been feeling like a broken record. I can count on two hands the number of times I've recently said "white people show" or "shows where the director feels the family unit MUST be white." I understand that by living in Central Pennsylvania, I've kind of limited my options, but I'm dealing with that personally after a swift kick in the pants by someone I respect. (Side note: I'm planning on moving!!!!! More on that in another post eventually!)  
If you know me, you know that the subject of race isn't something I talk about it. I grew up in a white family. I never really thought that I was "less than" or had to work extra hard because I was black.Of course some people think I should take my skin color and let it define me in all aspects of my life. But I'm not going to do that. I don't find my identity in my skin color, I find it in who I am in Christ. But that's also a different blog post for a different time. 

I was recently asked to audition for a role of a middle aged, southern, black man. I didn't want to do it. I felt guilted into auditioning, because, I guess, I was the only black actor around here that people could think of. Which would be cool if the show had been "Race" by David Mamet, and the role was Susan a 20something (maybe early 30s...) black lawyer. But it wasn't. And I didn't audition. I included this in my email to the director, and I meant every word of it two weeks ago, and I still mean them today:  

I think that finding a play with one African American character was very bold, and a very cool decision on your part. On the flip side, as an African American actress who is involved in a community theatre that only seems to pick shows where WHITE families are the main characters, unfortunately, I don't have a prayer of being cast. And then having the option to audition for a show just because I'm black, is cool, I guess, but "being black" isn't really my schtick. I'm a talented actress, and I can do so much more than just look a certain way. And my prayer for the future of theatre is that my son or daughter will not be called upon for a role just because of their skin color. Theatre is moving in such a good direction, when it comes to diverse casting, but I think we who are involved at the community level need to be more conscious of picking shows that can be filled with people of all races and backgrounds, not just a show with a "token black." The world itself is changing...I'm in a serious relationship with a white guy, I have some biracial friends, and some Indian friends and some Filipino friends. We are hard-pressed, especially in the State College community, to find someone who is 100% anything. Diverse backgrounds are becoming the norm in the world, and I believe that theatre should be a direct reflection of life and the world around us. Otherwise, unless we're doing a historic Wilson, or GB Shaw, or Isben, it becomes inauthentic, and more difficult to relate to. Thankfully, a lot of contemporary playwrights are moving in that direction. And they're doing that by writing plays that don't have specific character breakdowns. Which is awesome, because it gives actors of color more of a chance of being involved! 

I'd like to point out that I'm not the only one thinking, talking, and writing about diversity in the theatre. I recently read a great article about the role of theatre critics where diversity is concerned. The Article Overview reads:

Some critics don’t concern themselves with diversity or context, sticking to the subject before them. This is its own form of injustice as well as an abandonment of the critic’s role; to see exclusionary practices and not comment on them is to perpetuate them, but also, to pretend a show exists in a cultural vacuum does a disservice to the role of art. 

I love this. The article goes on to say that the lack of diversity isn't just cultural/background. The theatre is also severely lacking women playwrights, producers, directors, etc...:

Just 17 percent of plays produced in this country are written by women. Since 2000, the annual list of the top 10 most-produced plays averages three female playwrights. (An interesting side note: there’s far more ethnic diversity among these women than there is among their male counterparts, which is great, but leads me to wonder whether this is because such playwrights enable artistic directors to check off more than one “diversity” box.)  

I literally couldn't have written a better side note if I tried. Do we as theatre practitioners purposely stack our decks so we can appear diverse? This honestly hasn't been my experience, but I pray to God it never happens.

There are a few sides to the diversity situation: people who think producers should strive to include all types of people in every show of the season; people who think that the only type of "diversity" we should have is a
"Random Black Girl" in the ensemble of every musical (these people are usually the more old fashioned types of directors); and then there are people who don't think about this at all, which isn't necessarily a problem, but it's not a solution either. 

I'm no expert, but I think the biggest thing we at the local level are missing is a simple dialogue on this issue. I can sit here all day and link you to bigger theatre communities who have devoted entire studies to managing and valuing diversity... but I think I'd prefer to ask the questions myself: 

1. Why couldn't we produce "Race" by David Mamet for a season? Or any other shows like that? (Memphis!! Sister Act!! The Color Purple!!)
2. Why aren't we able to draw a larger diverse crowd to our shows?
3. What if we took the notion of "black people wouldn't have been anything other than maids in the 1930s" and threw it out, and cast a black woman as Reno Sweeney, or any type of lead? 
4. Who says every family unit all has to look the same? I mean, have you seen my parents and siblings??
5. What if we just sat down, and talked it all out? 

I feel like I took the long way to a simple point, but I think the only way to get there is to talk about the hard, and potentially uncomfortable things. Sure, I may talk about it a lot, but that's because it's important to me. As a woman, as an actress of color, and as a human being. 

I truly believe that art is a direct reflection of life, and I think most of my theatre and artist friends would agree. And if we're being truthful, life isn't seeing all white-bread families everywhere anymore. (Biracial, adoptive, and blended families, for example.) So why should our theatres show that? It's a direct misrepresentation of the world around us, and it's not 100% relatable to today's audiences. So even though I'm one person, I believe that I have the power to at least ignite the conversation. Join me, and together, we could change the world. 

******************

More Links: 

Diveristy in American Theater: From Catchphrase to Meaningful Change

Diversity in American Theater: The Mythology of Color Blind/Conscience Casting
On Valuing Diversity, Managing Diversity, and the Difference
"Random Black Girl" Composers: Kooman and Dimond

"After All This Time?"

Some of you know this, and others of you might drop dead, but I have never read the Harry Potter series. Gasp. Breathe in...breathe out....
I was an extremely gullible child. You know all those Christian Parents who wouldn't let their kids read HP because of the magic? Well, I think my parents didn't let me read them because they assumed I'd probably try to make things levitate, etc..., and get angry when it didn't happen and try to burn down the house. To give a point of reference, I was in 6th grade when the first book came out. So, yeah, I was a little young.

By the time I realized I would survive if I had read them, I decided not too. I don't know why, but I just didn't. I went to college and I was basically the only one in all my friend groups who hadn't read them. But throughout the years, I have seen 4.5 of the movies, so I think that counts for something. I know it's not the same, but at least I'm not completely clueless.
After the last movie was released my News Feed, Pinterest and Twitter timeline were BLOWN UP with all these feelings. I loved how passionate my friends were, but to be honest, it didn't motivate me to read the books.
This past fall, I met a beautiful young woman named Veronica who is a baker, and basically just a really awesome human being. Recently she started to re-read the Harry Potter books and blogging about them in segments.  So, naturally, I thought, Veronica is really nice, and really cool, so I'm going to start reading the books and read her blogs alongside them!

I clearly have not started that. 

And now that JK Rowling has come out and said that she thinks Hermione should have not ended up with Ron, and should have married Harry , I'm over the whole entire thing.

Why in the world would I want to read books with a story line that THE AUTHOR has now regretted? Why would I spend literally over hundreds of hours investing my emotions into to characters, when I know that the author would have written this book a different way? Why couldn't she have just sat on her pile of billions, and silently regretted this? Why?? Millions of HP fans have been devastated, and me?? I'm not even a "fan" per se, and I'm upset enough to write a blog about this!!!

To me, it kills any hope I had of picturing all the cool things that exist in the wonderful wizard-y world. And to be honest, I had no idea that Ron and Hermione ended up together. I knew Harry got with Luna Lovegood (right? Is that right? Hold on...Googling.....) Just kidding, he marries Ginny. I TOTALLY knew that. But I seriously didn't know the Ron-Hermione match. So now I'm just sad, because, what if I wanted them to end up together?? What if I wished Hermione would have stayed single?? My hopes would have been ruined either way.

I'm sure I'll be able to get over this eventually, and I'll read the books, but for now, you'll have to excuse me while I mourn the loss of something I never had in the first place.

Guest Post: Elizabeth's Top 10 Things to Do on A Snow Day (That Don't Include Technology)

IT'S SNOWING! Surprise of all surprises, right? It's the millionth snowy day of 2014 here in Central Pennsylvania, and I asked my best friend Elizabeth to share with us a list of 10 things to do on a snow day! She's very much not dependent on technology like I am, so here is her list of things to do that don't involve sitting in front of a screen! Enjoy!

-S.

1. Spend some time with God: Read your Bible, pray, just sit and spend some time thanking Him for the blessings He has given you. I promise you won't regret it.

2. Read a book: Any book. Do it. It can be a kid's book for all I care. Just do it.

3. Be creative: You know that painting/scrapbook/knitting/woodwork etc. project that you have been wanting to do/finish but have been putting off because you don't have time? Well guess what, you have time now! Get to work!

4. Write. It can be a journal, a book, or a letter to someone! I mean, come on, everyone loves to get mail!

5. Bake or cook: We ALL have a recipe board on Pinterest of deliciousness that we want to try. Even if you aren't a good cook/baker, this is the perfect time to practice!

6. Clean: I know, I know. This sounds boring and not fun at all, but seriously. You have all day, why not get some of your weekly cleaning done! Even if it's just light cleaning, you have the time. Or if you want to be really ambitious and deep clean something, go for it!

7. Play in the snow: Build a snowman, have a snowball fight, make snow angels, or just take a snowy walk! Embrace your inner child!

8. Play an instrument/sing: Practice makes perfect! So go ahead and play away! I personally don't do this as often as I would like to, but when I do get the chance, it's so relaxing and calming.

9. Work out: Yea, this isn't one I do very often. You'll feel better after you do it though! (Or so I've been told...)

10. Play a game: Board game...card game....just have fun!

BONUS!!

11. Snow day photo shoot: Seriously, grab your camera and document your snow day! Make some memories!

Year 25: Tactful Avoidance (With an intro about First World Problems)

I'm a huge fan of #FirstWorldProblems. If you search the hashtag on Twitter you get an amazing look at all the menial things people of privilege (aka, anyone in the US, UK, or other Middle-to-Upper-Middle-Class Countries), are dealing with on a daily basis. For example: 

First World Problems ‏@firstworldmeJan 23The heated leather seats in this rental car take, like, four minutes to warm up my backside. #firstworldproblems
First World Problems ‏@firstworldmeJan 22Had to cut bagels in half myself because they didn't come pre-sliced. #firstworldproblems
First World Problems ‏@firstworldmeJan 22My snowblower won't start. #firstworldproblems

Ok, so maybe that last one is actually a big deal if you're living in the North East right now. But I'm looking at all the people right here in State College who have bigger issues than I do. The homeless wanderers, the stranger guy at the cafe who approached me the other morning, who I will blog about later....it's just heartbreaking.

It's also heartbreaking because I'm not woman enough to face my own problems. Anytime I'm hit with confrontation or conflict, my instinct is to run, hide, and avoid. Sweeping things under the rug should be my Olympic sport.

Tactful Avoidance is easy. But it's not always the best thing for us...for me. I prefer to distract myself from the bigger issues in life by trying to figure out trivial ones. For example, I'm sad to be missing Sean and Catherine's wedding tonight, (You know, the couple from last year's season of The Bachelor...!), but really I should be sad that I feel emotionally drained from a situation that probably wasn't a big deal to begin with. But it's easier to focus on the things that provide us an escape from reality.

Sometimes an escape is good, healthy even. But when all we're doing is escaping, we can lose sight of the important things directly affecting the people we love, and the world around us. My challenge to you, and to myself this week is to take time to focus on just one thing that you've been avoiding. It might be confrontation, it might be cleaning your room (whoops...), or it might be figuring out whether or not to accept/turn down/think about that big job offer you just got. Whatever it it, set aside sometime to think, meditate, and pray about the situation. I will join you in doing this as well.
Because running from problems is exhausting, and I'm getting worn out.

-S.

Year 25: New Year's Edition

Here we are. January 1st. My News Feed and Twitter Timeline is full of people saying good riddance to 2013. Some nicely...some harshly. I don't know everyone's story from this past year, but as I'm getting older, I see more and more people spewing malice at the past 364.75 days. Honestly, I don't get it. Now, that's not to discredit anyone's tragedy, or loss, or extreme challenge; but instead of focusing on how terrible the past year was, shouldn't we be thankful that God saw us through all of our tough times? Sure, it's nice to bury the past and move on, but it's our past that shapes how we approach the future. So as you continue your toast to 2014, remember to take the things that make you say "Sayonara, 2013!" and turn them into applicable life lessons for 2014!

I've seen this quote from Steve Jobs floating around, and I really think it's a good reminder:

As for me, this past year was about growth as a daughter, a girlfriend, a theatre practitioner and a student. I'm not in the habit of making resolutions, but here is the start (and partial continuation) of my Year 25 Active Challenges List:

1. Instead of resolving to hit the gym twice a week, I challenge myself to treat my body as my instrument. I challenge myself to look beyond the things I can't physically overhaul, and focus on the things that are easily modified. 
2. I challenge myself to show more thoughtfulness and gratitude towards those I love. 
3. I challenge myself to approach every audition (4 in the next month and a half!!) as a learning experience. 
• 3a: I will NOT put myself down after an audition. I will learn from my mistakes and correct them for the next time. 
4. I challenge myself to gracefully say "no" to things I know will not be good for my mental stability. 
5. I challenge myself to stop drinking coffee. Completely. 
• 5a: I also challenge myself, to stop indulging in food that I know makes me feel sub-par. 

So those are 5, non-overwhelming things I'm going to challenge myself to do this year. I have many more, but I think 5 was a good place to start. 

What about you? Are you happy to see the New Year, or is January 1st just another day? What are some of our resolutions or challenges? Share them in the comments below! 

An Open Letter: When you take out the "Unity" in "Community"....

...You're left with "Comm" and that doesn't make sense. 
But unfortunately, someone took the "unity" out of community, and it's left me upset, hurt, and fearful. This post could get me into trouble, but to be honest, if I don't write it, I could say these things out loud and it would be far worse. So this is my open letter. (Disclaimer: Please don't consider this a direct call-out. Consider it an observation from the most observational person you know.) 

Dear...well, everyone,
Happy Tuesday and Merry Christmas! I hope your shopping is "wrapping" up and you're getting ready to spend time with family! The last week has been a good one for me. I got to see someone I love portray a very hard role onstage! My boyfriend was cast as George Bailey in "It's A Wonderful Life" and it was so amazing to see him in his first lead! We all know he's talented but this brought it to a whole new level. I'm so proud of him, and the rest of the cast was also really good. But to be fair, I'm a little biased.

What also impressed me about this production was the lack of people who I know love my boyfriend who weren't at the show. I know I shouldn't take it personally, but I'm taking it personally. Guilt trip: You missed a fantastic show, and I sincerely hope you're sad about that. In my clearly non-professional opinion, nothing about this show was unbalanced, or lacking, which is highly impressive.

A Few Questions: #1-Did you not see the show because you HATE feel-good plays? If yes, then you're excused. I don't understand it, but you're excused just the same. #2-Did you not see the show because someone did you dirty? If your answer is yes keep reading. If it's no, I'm giving you the chance to jump ship now.

Over the last few months, I've noticed a considerable amount of tension between adults. I'm just a kid, but nothing gets by kids very easily. There's been disrespect among people in the same profession who claim to be working towards the same goal: bringing people together in the name of theatre. Which, I personally think is an AMAZING thing. Now, I know there are a lot of things I don't know, or won't understand, and frankly, I don't care to know them or understand them. But I do care about people, and that's something that, to me, is far more valuable then ticket sales.
Theatre can't exist without people. But people won't come to the theatre if their expectations aren't met and superseded pre-production, during production, and as the cast is giving their final bow. I know of people who have quit theatre altogether because someone who was in a position of power said something that rubbed them the wrong way. As someone who wants to make a career out of theatre, I say, not cool, man. Not cool.

There's nothing more discouraging to me, a petite kid with big dreams, than hearing and seeing that there is no support or respect for fellow theatre practitioners.
I'm not suggesting that we all have to sit around a campfire, hold hands and sing "You'll Never Walk Alone," but as much as I LOATHE that song, I think the reminder in there is vital. We are never alone, and in theatre, there should be a whole different realm of support. If you love theatre, and truly want to bring it to the masses, causing dissonance within your company should NEVER be an option.

I honestly don't want to live or work in a world of theatre where I will someday have to tell my children that I ended my career because sometimes people don't play nice with others. I want to lead a life that my kids can look at and say, "Wow..she used everything for God's glory, and didn't have to sell out to be happy."
I want to promote the performing arts for all kids of younger generations, and I have a hard time doing that if I know deep down that there are issues that make me uncomfortable.

So this year, my Christmas prayer is that all issues get sorted out in a professional and friendly manner in this new year. I want my friends and I to feel free to travel between venues and companies without feeling like we're betraying one another. I pray that we can all put the "unity" back into "Community Theatre."

God Bless, and Merry Christmas!
Love,
-S.

Year 25: What I've learned so far.

The first few days of being 25 were kind of eventful! I made a new friend in the coffee shop that I go to every morning before work. She complimented me on my scarf, and then I saw she had been reading a Bible, so I stopped her and we chatted, introduced ourselves, and discovered we live on the same street! Her name is Sarah and she's a church planter. Unfortunately, I've been swamped with "Spamalot" (more on that later), so we haven't been able to hang out. Hopefully soon; I'm really encouraged that God put us on each others' pathways!

Some of you may think "25 is just a number, you're not old yet, Star!" But I assure you, I feel old already. I was very sick for a week before my birthday, and by some miracle I was fully recovered for the day itself. I hadn't been eating because I was having extreme abdominal pain and back spasms. I slept for about three days straight. MedExpress was unhelpful, and my parents and sister even came up to be with me. I also had a really bad cold while all of this was happening. There were some dark moments during that week; but I'm so glad that even though my parents were able to come to my aid, Lando was also there by my side. I guess having a tv in the room where I was sleeping was good...he watched football all day and I was able to rest knowing he was there in case I needed something. But that was when I was still 24. 

Everyone asked how 25 felt, and i joked about when my first Quarter-Life Crisis would hit, but I had no idea the impending storm that was headed my way. 

I returned to "Spamalot" rehearsals as the trusty Assistant Stage Manager. I was bummed to not actually be in the show, so assuming a role on the production staff was hard. It's amazing how slowly rehearsals go when you're sitting at a table just following along in a script. It's weird, actually. I would compulsively check my phone only to see that ten minutes had gone by. 

The thing about this show is that the cast is amazingly talented. I had goosebumps just watching them rehearse. And now that we've opened the show, my goosebumps haven't subsided. But what happened during tech week solidified my calling and choice to be onstage. 

I missed our first tech rehearsal. It was homecoming weekend at Penn Sate and I worked from 10-6 on Saturday. Someone was able to cover for me in tech, and take notes, but once I received them, I freaked out. The next day, I called the stage manager and we talked for an hour about the notes and the backstage choreography. She was a whole state away for a wedding, and then I was late for rehearsal. Cue downward spiral. 

Long story short, there was a lot of crying. Also a panic attack. Those are scary, by the way. Especially when you're in front of people who are mostly strangers who don't know a thing about you other than the fact that you've been at rehearsals for this show. I left the building. I caused a halt in rehearsal. Finally, I calmed down long enough to breathe but I still couldn't stop crying. I was shaking and trying to fix everything all at once. (That's my tragic flaw: I'm a fixer.) Kat, the choreographer, who is also a mom, came backstage and talked me down. She reminded me that I just had to do one thing at a time. I apologized profusely to everyone, and ended the day mostly embarrassed. 

I made huge mistakes along the way. Don't get the wrong idea when you read this, but I generally don't make huge mistakes in the theatre. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but never in my entire performing arts career (since I was 4), have I ever caused a rehearsal to stop functioning. Not even when my best friend and I fought while she stage managed my senior show. We barely spoke during rehearsals, but we always plowed through. To not actually be in a show, and then hold up the actors is a big deal to me, and I've realized that it's because I'm an actor first, kind of a director second, and never, ever a crew member. I would have been mortified if I had been in their place and saw that the ASM was having a nervous breakdown. Like, "who is this chick, and why is she dying right now??" I purposely didn't make it a big deal that I had never been an ASM before until that day. It was apparent that I had no idea what was going on, so I just owned up to that fact. I'm not sure if that caused more sympathy for me, or more strange looks. Either way, it was the truth. And I told myself that I shouldn't be ashamed about it. But I quickly learned that I shouldn't expect to be perfect right out of the gate, and that it's ok to ask for help. Especially in the theatre. Especially when you want to make a career out of it. 

We opened last night, and I'm very happy to say that things went smoothly. There were a few moments where I was just praying that we would get some stuff in place on time. At one point I almost crossed myself (seriously, I do that in moments where I can't find the words to thank God out rightly), and I looked up and saw my crew guy Tony crossing himself abut the same situation. It's nice to have someone backstage who gets me when it comes to Jesus and matters of faith. Especially in theatre. Especially when you feel like you're drowning in the theatre.

The night before, Tony reminded me that God was in control and that was all I needed to hear. There was nothing I else I could do last night during the curtain speech except get on my knees on that dirty stage floor and pray the prayer I always say right before going on. (Or in this instance, cuing the curtain.) "It's out of my hands God. I hand the theatre, the audience and the actors over to you." And, as usual, He followed through. My few moments of panic were replaced with a calm of "do everything slowly." I'm not sure how I got through the show without physically hurting myself, but somehow, I escaped unscathed. (This is rare considering I've hurt myself on the props or set during every dress rehearsal we had for this show.) 

I also want to give a shout out to one of my best friends, Lauren, who is on crew for "Assassins" at Ephrata Performing Arts Center right now. She's also an actress doing crew for the first time, and we've been texting about our experiences. I'm glad for the opportunity to bond with her over this whole situation. Everyone go see "Assassins!" 

I know what you're all wondering: "So, Star, would you ever do it again?" 

Short answer: no. 

Long answer: I'm so grateful to Amber for having extreme and crazy faith in me that I could do this, and I'm so glad that Year 25 started so far out of my comfort zone that I couldn't even see it. But this is not what I'm called to do. There is a certain personality type that is perfect for the position of ASM, and I'm not that type. The biggest lesson I've learned through al of this is that everyone has their talents, and just because you're a "theatre person" doesn't mean you can assume that everything you do will be 100% right away when you're in that atmosphere.

I've never been the type of actress to snub crew people (most of my friends have a tech emphasis and an acting emphasis), but this experience has given me a new respect for the curtain pullers, and backstage staff. But I'm ready to change out of my all black clothes, and assume a more colorful role. It's been too long, and I have a feeling that after this, my life and positions in the theatre has no where to go but up!